A few things I have been reading

A few things I have been reading

My neck has been hurting a lot because I type on my laptop on a 100-year-old desk so I am constantly looking down. I could switch to writing on my gaming computer which is more ergonomically inclined but I am trying to compartmentalize my activities so everything doesn’t just bleed into a giant category called “time I have wasted today.”

I haven’t done a link post in a hot minute and so here are some things I have enjoyed reading in the last little while. Please note that I post interesting things that I may not completely agree with and that you may not, either. But we shouldn’t just read things we always agree with – that’s what algorithms are for!

The economy

Kyla Scanlon mentioned this tweet* in a recent video and to paraphrase, “we’ve gotten accustomed to servants bringing us things all of the time.” But all good things come to an end, and gone is the era of VC cash propping up unprofitable businesses in an attempt to be the last business standing when the smoke cleared. Workers have gained in the last year and a bit whether it’s by unionizing or in court cases designating them as employees, not as contractors. That means prices are going to rise.

Also, it absolutely FLOORS me that this only cost this man $125. Most of the world hasn’t eaten a meal like that in their lifetimes let alone on a random weekday. ZOMG “Qu’ils mangent de la brioche” already!

Americans are better off than you think. I know it’s difficult to parse but we got 10 years of inflation in a short period of time. I think people would have managed better if we had a small increase every year vs. what happened last year.

You don’t need everything you want: our expectations around money are all out of whack “Just because something doesn’t feel great doesn’t mean it’s fundamentally unfair. (Sometimes, the most unfair things are the ones that feel really great — as long as you’re on the right side of the trade.)” This is one of the better pieces out there discussing the vibesession.

I think it is important to remember that anyone under the median income is going to feel the squeeze of inflation more than those above it. For those who were struggling before, they’re absolutely tanked now. But people who have money and who saved money during the pandemic are spending like wildfire (although it’s slowing) and that’s why we are seeing a supply (low) and demand (high) scenario moving prices upwards.

Personal Finance

It’s funny because I have never not had a roommate. When I was a teenager I lived with 2 or more roommates and when I was in my twenties, 1 or more. Now I have a family and our useable living space is about 1500 square feet for four people and two dogs. In our old house, we had 1200sq ft, the kids shared a room and it was fine. We didn’t even use the backyard at the old place much: we went to the park every day instead and met up with other families in the neighbourhood.

I find most people I know who are younger than me and who don’t live with their parents do have 1 or 2 bedroom apartments just for themselves. Is it expectation or culture? Both? I feel like pre-WWII most people lived in small spaces with many family members and in the post-war era we have increasingly become accustomed to larger square footage per person. This has led to an increase in cars and urban sprawl (and 4000sq ft McMansions an hour away from where people work). I don’t have to answer to what can be done here but better public transit, more community stores vs big box stores, getting used to smaller spaces and more working from home are ideas off the top of my head.

My mortgage payments are going up $2000 a month, “We feel helpless and angry. If we lived way beyond our means, that would be one thing. But it’s not like we did something radical. We wanted a family home, we made some sacrifices and we got a decent-sized place in a decent neighbourhood. Hard-working, middle-class people should be able to buy homes in their own country without cutting back their lifestyles to the bone.

Recently, the Bank of Canada announced that interest rates would stay at 4.5 per cent, the first time it has held steady in more than a year…which makes me wonder how long it will be before Canada does the same. That’s always in the back of my mind.”

This article was written in the spring of last year and then after that, The Bank of Canada raised the rates and they now sit at 5%.

OOF it would be so easy to tear apart every single decision this family made because there are some horrible ones. BUT I will not. Why? Because it’s easy to point fingers and point out all the issues but his problems are super common with many families. I put this squarely on the heads of the people who convinced this man to give up his reasonable apartment close to work in exchange for an hour-long commute and a $790000 mortgage on an $150000 income.

– I actually only follow one of these YouTubers and he is one of my least favourite of all the people I follow on this list of Canadian Personal Finance YouTubers. I actually follow a lot of people whose advice I find laughable but that’s because I don’t want to just follow people I agree with.

– I grew up with a similar quote in my house, which is “you have champagne tastes on a beer budget.” But I think everyone should read this piece Learning to like beer in a world full of champagne propaganda. “When you disconnect someone’s means from their lifestyle preferences, otherwise-befuddling choices begin to make sense. The rich person who drives the Accord? Well, their ability to make money is unrelated to their taste in automobiles. The person spending their meager paychecks on luxury travel and racking up credit card debt? Well, their choice of education and professional earning ability (or lack thereof) doesn’t really have anything to do with their preferences for First Class, does it? Credit cards are a little like steroids, in that way: They allow you entry to a world that you otherwise would be incapable of accessing on your own, which is why both are frowned upon but prevalent nonetheless.”

Health

I quit therapy: As it turns out, you don’t have to always work on yourself.

– Truth be told: I have a natural light lamp AND I take vitamin D. I find it helps me exponentially in the winter but what if nobody has seasonal affective disorder? (if you’re anything like me, that got your back up but it is a good read)

Family and community

– I loved this piece: community and you can do your art? Yes, please! I quit a corporate job to become a crossing guard.

– “It feels like this capitalist trope. The idea that it’s better and more worthwhile to strip away any social or familial support and do it all on your own is a scam.” Why people struggle so much in the world’s richest country

– “From the outside, we are enacting the best practices of urban family resource management. With rising housing costs and changing demographics, multigenerational living has finally gained social acceptance. Advocates trumpet its economic and emotional benefits. Despite being so on trend, I don’t feel especially cool living with my mom. And even an hour from sunrise, I’m already exhausted.” Multigenerational living often makes sense but that doesn’t make it easy.

– I love thrifting and am a big proponent of Buy Nothing groups on facebook. It’s sad though that people still toss out fully functional things. I worked at a dump


*LOL what are they called now? Xposts? NAH. Xs? UGH.

Subscription cleanup

Subscription cleanup


The Amaryllis is finally blooming

Saturday was Epiphany or 12th Night. The kids cleaned the house and put away all of our Yule-related decorations for another year. The house is clean and looks a little empty now but it’s a tabula rasa as we get ramped up for school to start. The snow has decided to join us for winter, which is great because The Youngest started their snowboarding season yesterday and The Eldest starts her new job as a ski instructor tonight. Today is also the first day back at school and as I anticipated we all dragged our feet after two weeks of partying, over-indulgence and sleeping way too late. The season of merriment has come to an end.

Speaking of cleaning, around this time I do a bit of subscription clean up. I don’t necessarily DO ALL THE THINGS right on the first of January but as the hubbub of the holiday season starts to die down & I ease into the quiet blanket of winter, it’s easier to have a good, hard look at all of the things vying for my attention. I hate how much time it takes me to delete things I am no longer interested in, so I try and take stock of these things in January.

Email sign-ups
I tend to sign up for more email lists in the fall of every year as I sign up for discounts on gifts or to get free shipping. I am pretty good at unsubscribing quickly but there are always one or two I forget. Truth be told, I also subscribe to my old union’s mailing list and I should just say goodbye. I don’t know why I haven’t in the past few years…but it’s time to let go.

Newsletters
I have a few newsletters I enjoy reading but some have either a> gone paid-only & I don’t find the content relevant enough to pay for it; or b> it’s information I don’t really need or haven’t been reading. For example, I’ve signed up for newsletters from a major newspaper that I also subscribe to. I realized that these were just articles I had already read in the physical paper. I unbsubbed.

Paid subscriptions (digital)
This is where things get a little tougher. I have a few content creators that I like to support and I wonder if I should actually review and then maybe even add some new ones. Money is super tight right now (fixed income! *jazz hands*) but should ease up shortly when the condo sells, so I am making a list of creators to consider.

We have basic subs for the house, namely Netflix and Spotify. We get these for the kids. Mr. Tucker’s work also paid for a year of Disney+ so we have that until next fall as well. I’m happy with these.

Paid subscriptions (analog)
OOF. This one hurts. It’s hardest to consider my magazines and newspapers because I love them so much. The reality is though that I need to cut back:
– I am way behind on reading The New Yorker, Canadian Notes & Queries and The Canadian Literary Review. These I am giving up for sure. I just don’t have the time.
– I picked up Celtic Life International this year and it’s been lovely, so I will keep that.
-The Walrus is only a few times a year but it’s quality content, Canadian and I do get a partial tax rebate as a subscriber.
-The New Escapologist. I love this magazine. I will keep it. I would subscribe to The Idler as well if the price point for non-digital was reasonable. (Brexit man, boy howdy!)
– The Globe and Mail. This one is super hard for me. On the one hand, I do want to support legacy media because I feel like once it’s gone, there will be no more (mostly) neutral coverage of events and I do enjoy reading a paper front-to-back and not being spoon fed my own opinions back to me like an algorithm does. I don’t want news to just be what I want to hear rather than things I should consider outside of my own echo-chamber. I mean yes, there are different political slants to all legacy media but generally you will find conflicting viewpoints. The problem is the price: $32 a month for 4 skimpy papers is about what I pay for an entire year’s worth of The Walrus. For now I will keep it, if only because Andrew Coyne is one of the most infuriating opinion columnists…and mostly never wrong. Also: tax rebate.

Social media
I cleaned up a bunch of accounts that I follow that a> are dead/haven’t posted in a while, b> I am not longer interested in, c> deleted me from their followers. As for the last one, it’s mostly self-styled “influencers” who add an account and then delete them as soon as they follow back to fudge their numbers (to make it look like they have more followers than they do, ergo get more free stuff). I do still follow accounts that don’t follow me back if the content is great. What an age we live in!

The 8 weeks of the winter sport season is always just chaos here at The Mullet. Mr. Tucker does the bulk of the running around and getting the kids to places. The Eldest has two jobs this winter plus early morning band and harp lessons across town one night a week. The Youngest also has activities on Saturday and of course snowboarding on Sunday. The next 8 weeks are just pure survival for us but it does break up what would otherwise be a gloomy, cold, dark period of time. As for me, I will organize things the best I can, making sure dinners and lunches are planned and other than that I think I will sit by the fire, drink tea…and try and get through the backlog of magazine subscriptions!


The lemon tree has giant lemons. In the background, winter

2023 round up & looking ahead to 2024

2023 round up & looking ahead to 2024

This year was dominated fully by the last half of the year. I tried going back to my (paper) journal to see what happened earlier on in 2023 but it was very low-key. I like low-key, in fact, as I get older all I want is my cozy little life with good food, good people, and fun hangouts. Still, here is a bit of a roundup of how 2023 went:

The shortlist of wins:

Financial:
– We paid off our house in July!
– We increased our retirement savings by 26%.
– We increased the kid’s RESPs by 29%.

Social:
– We managed to do book clubs inside again! I got to go out twice with them to restaurants/breweries.
– I went back to dragon boat this year!
– We did family games nights most months with a family we are friends with. It’s come to be one of my favourite parts of the month. We also did a play together and had dinner yesterday.
– We rented a cottage for Thanksgiving with other friends and had a lovely weekend together eating a lovely shared meal.
– One of my besties and I share a birthday so this year we took a pottery class together with another friend.
– We hosted a family birthday party for Mr. Tucker’s dad for the first time in years.
– I deleted discord and mostly stay off social media (Instagram seems to be my big hold out).
– I wrote more in this blog.
– We bought seasons tickets to the Professional Women’s Hockey League and plan many dinners and games with the kids!
– We finally (FINALLY) had a Winter Solstice party again!

Home:
– We moved The Eldest to basement where she has a bigger room and now Mr. Tucker and I share and office upstairs (I had previously carved out a section of the living room).
– We built gaming computers! I finished the first Witcher game!
– The garden did really well (also see: losses).

Sadly, the second half of the year was a lot worse than the first. I won’t break it up into categories and instead just BLAH them right on the page.

The longlist of losses:

– I tripped over a tree root at dragon boat and ended up with a broken foot that put me out of commission for 9 weeks. In case I haven’t mentioned it, when you have PLS it is imperative that you keep moving to keep up strength and balance. So I lost a lot of ability this year by not being weight-bearing and am just started to get it back.

– In the early summer it was determined that I had to have a hysterectomy after we exhausted all other options. So having to undergo a small surgery in July (cancer screening) followed by a huge abdominal surgery in September all while having limited mobility due to a broken foot sucked. It brought Mr. Tucker and I to the brink of despair at times because he was on the hook for everything while also trying to work a full-time job. That man is my hero.

– I was renting my condo to a relative who suddenly went no-contact in the spring and stopped paying completely. Mr. Tucker and my dad had to go in person to evict him. After he moved out we realized that he had caused thousands of dollars worth of damage that we now had to pay for. He hadn’t even been paying enough to cover the bills so the losses to our family were huge. It’s been 5 months and we still haven’t got it renovated (just one more thing!). No good deed goes unpunished.

– Mr. Tucker’s company was bought and as the kids say, “the vibes are off.” It’s a culture clash for sure between an established, mature company and a VC funded young company that is basically winging it. I don’t plan for him to be there long but it is frustrating to merge companies in the best of circumstances.

– We tried an art video project but couldn’t dedicate time to it so it’s been put on the backburner until Mr. Tucker retires.

– My uncle died on Christmas Eve.

– Mr. Tucker’s biological nephew died of an aggressive cancer at 24 years old, which is absolutely heartbreaking.

What’s in store for 2024?

Sell this damn condo: we have ONE MORE thing to accomplish before we can put it on the market and so hopefully this will be done next week.

It’s going to be a sober year: we have an all-inclusive trip planned this winter which will be exempt but 2024 will be alcohol-free. We had a sober year from Halloween 2020 to Halloween 2021 and it was amazing. I realize that so much of my health is affected by alcohol. I can’t even drink fermented alcohol anymore: it makes me violently ill. So it’s my body probably telling me just to…not drink alcohol.

It’s going to be a social year: I want to see people in person, outside of our homes, in different environments. Picnics, dinners, coffees, museums & galleries, events – you name it, I’m IN! I also would like to have more pool parties. If there is anything the pandemic has taught me it is that virtual interaction is no substitute for in-person hangouts. I will also be prioritizing people who prioritize me and shuffling people from friend to acquaintance relationships. If I am constantly doing the legwork with maintaining the friendship, if you need me to transport you all the time or if I feel that you are fitting me just around the edges of your life (when you have nothing better to do), we probably will not be friends in the upcoming years. OFC I will continue to maintain my daily group chats, which are lovely – especially with The Americans* and hopefully see a few of them this year!

It’s going to be an analog year: I realized when my uncle died that if I had to contact family and facebook disappeared, I’d be screwed. So I am rounding up people’s contact info into an address book so that I will have a hard copy of it all. It’s so funny that I spent years in the early 2000s until recently to digitize EVERYTHING for ease of use & now I am reversing course. I also want to log all the books I am going to read. Now I feel like there is value in physical things. I want to send more mail, do more art, and set up the record player in the living room and just…listen to an album from start to finish? Do nothing else but lay there and listen. Remember doing that?**

Health-SCHMELTH: I need to walk/bike, stretch and work on balance. I listened to a podcast recently and someone said, “Stop saying ‘oh when X day happens I will do Y health stuff’ when you should just start incorporating healthy behaviours now into your life. There is no moment where it’s suddenly going to be perfect.” UGH, I am so guilty of this. I need to stop saying If X, then Y because X never happens. I need to fit everything into my day-to-day somehow.

Organize: If there is ONE thing that I can say definitely contributes to a better home life, it’s having a meal plan. I know it makes our lives so much easier to plan everything in advance by shelf life but yet, I fall off the planning wagon all of the time. I think if I had one New Year’s Resolution, it would be “keep up with the meal plan!”

Have Mr. Tucker retire: this is a stretch goal it feels like (because it depends on us selling the condo) but we are in position to have him retire should he want to. We have enough a> savings, b> insurance, c> income to have him leave paid work as soon as we don’t have to pay for the condo anymore. That one feels really nice.

I am writing this on New Year’s Eve. The Eldest is at a sleepover and Mr. Tucker would like to stay up, so I took a nap. He’s making an elaborate dinner for us and our plans include sitting by the fire, having a few drinks and then ringing in the year with The Youngest.

Happy New Year to you and yours, friends.

*These are my Americans, get your own.
**WHERE MY OLD PEOPLE AT?

Happy Tibb’s Eve

Happy Tibb’s Eve

A Newfoundland and Labrador tradition, Tibb’s Eve is really an old word that may be rooted from the word tipple. A Tibb’s Day is a day a day that doesn’t really ever come (an intercalary day, as it were). Since half of (or maybe more) of my dragon boat team is from The Rock I’ve become familiar with it as I’ve gotten older.

I really enjoyed the wikipedia history of Tibb’s Eve but I think it is interesting that it’s gained in popularity over the past 20+ years. Those years saw a dramatic outpouring of young people from NFLD & LAB to go make their fortunes in other parts of the country. It makes sense that they would have a day where everyone who was home for Christmas from other parts of the country would make space for a day of celebrating with friends.

Colin Howlett’s quote resonates, “Tibb’s Eve on December 23, when people drink and eat at kitchen parties and bars with all the people they want to celebrate with before spending time with those they have to. I have no idea how that isn’t huge everywhere else.”

Winter Solstice 2023

Winter Solstice 2023

In the mid-90s my friend D started our Solstice traditions. We would all gather at her 200 acre farm in eastern Ontario (lovingly nicknamed The Pharm) and celebrate the turning of the year from light to dark, dark to light.

The Summer Solstice began with what she had called The Freak Family picnic. She had intended to gather people she had befriended from various usenet groups to coming out and camping. The beginnings of the FFP were wildly chaotic and many people came from all over the world (and in pre-9/11, some people even flew their own planes in). It was the event of the summer for years and anyone could come and camp out for the Solstice.

Winter Solstice you could only attend if you had already come to the picnic and had become friends with D and the others. Because Canadian winters could be bitterly cold, there was limited space in the house for people to warm up so you had to get along. It was no time to make new friends. Those gatherings were more intimate and quiet, with most people spending time going back-and-forth from the giant bonfire outside to shaking off the chill inside. We stayed up all night, watched the sun come up on the ridge and it was very much like pushing the reset button on your life.

The Solstice celebrations worked because it gave us a way to celebrate but removing a lot of the religious aspects. Since our friend group is a multi-faith group, it only seemed right to create something that we could all celebrate together. We chose our own traditions and rituals around what people have celebrated since, well, since there were people: the movement of the sun and moon across the sky.

Of course, life moves on and D has moved away from The Pharm (the last celebration being summer 2009) and it has since (sadly) been sold off. D has lived in various places around Europe and North America in the past 12 years and is now settled in upstate New York. There was a lapse of in-person Winter Solstice celebrations for awhile but we still managed to do a lot of online video meetings. Then, in 2017 a rare confluence of factors found that many of us could make it to a Winter Solstice, and so we hosted one that year. 2018 and 2019 were more subdued but many Americans came and local folks joined and then, of course, 2020 happened…


The last Winter Solstice on the Pharm, 2009

This year I was determined to host one because I felt that since the Summer Solstice we had a rough go. Between a broken foot, two surgeries and the destroyed condo, I needed to welcome the light back into my life. What better way to do that than good food & drink, great friends and a roaring fire? I wasn’t sure that anyone could make it but I put it out there anyway, and figured at the very least I would celebrate.

Shockingly, people came to town from Pittsburg and Toronto and stayed the night, friends I hadn’t seen in a very long time decided to stop in and we ended up having three generations of people join us – all descended from the original crew of Freak Family Picnic people. It was the exact right amount of new and old people and while some people did crafts, many of us just talked and caught up on many years of post-pandemic information. There was food, laughter and light, just the way it is supposed to be.


My baby playing with the baby of a woman who I played with when she was a baby

I don’t know what the next six months holds for our family but it did feel good to shake off the stress of the last six months with a celebration of light. Like many people, we are heading into Christmas and all the stress it can bring but I feel more grounded and relaxed now that Winter Solstice has rejuvenated me. I wish love and light to your families no matter where they are in the world, no matter what you celebrate. I hope the final days of 2023 see you closing out the year with reflection and with calm before the world kicks back into gear in January.

For those of you interested, we did a Celtic Omen Days craft this year where we made bookmarks to represent the upcoming year. There is still time to do it as the days technically start on December 26th.

The end of #12DaysOfChristmasMovies

The end of #12DaysOfChristmasMovies

I suppose it started on Friday when The Youngest was not at all interested in going to get a family picture taken with Santa OR The Grinch. I sort of pushed back thinking it would be a fun Christmas activity & they said, “I don’t mind taking a family photo for Christmas, I am just not interested in the Santa/Grinch part.” Fair enough.

The entire scenario had a bit of “the beginning of the end” vibes.

We first started our #13DaysOfHalloweenMovies and #12DaysOfChristmas movies events in 2020 when it was the height of the pandemic. I was looking for ways we could celebrate the seasons in the face of no trick-or-treating and, big family dinners & visits to see Santa. The kids were 10 and 12 at this point & they had just had the rug pulled out from under them: no school, no friends, no family, no typical holiday celebrations.

It worked. We watched movies, shared our reviews with family and friends on social media and a new tradition was born. People told me that they looked forward to the kid’s weird reviews of things they had never noticed about movies they loved. It was fun…for awhile.

It’s 2023 now though and the kids are 13 and 15 and have mostly gone back to a normal existence. So instead of a fun activity we do as a family, it’s slowly morphed into a chore. We have slogged through a few movies in the past week and a bit and quite frankly I wasn’t enjoying it and I don’t get the impression Mr. Tucker and the kids were either. So after a busy weekend full of whirlwind activities I announced to the family that #12DaysOfChristmasMovies was coming to an end. We were all relieved.

The Eldest pointed out that we were more of a Halloween family and Mr. Tucker mentioned that there were way more movies for that time of year anyway. He said the Christmas movies seemed to have a couple of good releases a year but that the majority felt like a slog through a low-budget swamp. Fair enough. We still will watch new movies that pique our interest (and revisit some classics!) but not on such a rigid schedule.

What worked during the pandemic when we were all home with nothing to do didn’t transfer well to kids who were older and developing their own Christmas traditions with friends.

This lengthy preamble has a point and it is this: if a tradition doesn’t work for you, feel free to change it. I spent many years rolling the holiday rock uphill like some modern-day Sisyphean Santa and quite frankly, I resented it. My mother did it, my grandmother did it, my great-grandmother did it and I am stopping it. It’s too much work and the return on investment is low. If the point is to spend time with loved ones, then that is what we should focus on, not a rigid standard of how we spend time together. The pandemic gave me a perfect opportunity to switch more things up, which I happily did & continue to do. Here is a small list:

We no longer get a fresh tree: as I became more disabled, the work fell more on Mr. Tucker’s head to drag a fresh tree home and decorate it. Last year we found a pre-lit tree on sale at Canadian Tire and we’ve never looked back. The Eldest was a bit disappointed because she loves the smell of a fresh tree, so I bought her an electric wax melt contraption and some melts that smell like evergreens. Mr. Tucker is happy, the smell of balsam fills the air and we’ve reduced our fire hazards. I do have fresh greenery in the form of a wreath that was bought from a local farm that was a fundraiser for The Youngest’s school. A little bit from column A, a little bit from column B.

We no longer host a HUGE Christmas dinner: Mr. Tucker and I are a> the only people in the family with younger children; b> the main connection between both our families. For years we hosted 11-15 people for a large family dinner. It was exhausting, expensive and hugely unappreciated. While some people helped clean and people brought things, we were constantly inundated with the odd snarky comment and the occasional heated discussion. When the pandemic hit, we breathed a huge sigh of relief and stopped doing it. Now we order Chinese food on Christmas eve to hang out with my dad, Christmas day we eat leftover Chinese food, and Boxing day my stepson comes over and he and Mr. Tucker cook an elaborate dinner together (they both love cooking & my stepson is a sous chef). Christmas is now a relaxing, calm affair.

We no longer do a children’s cookie decorating party: We used to do the Christmas cookie decorating party every year and other friends hosted the Easter egg decorating party, the Canada day party, and the Halloween potluck where we’d hangout and have dinner and drinks before heading out en masse to go trick-or-treating. Sadly, while these were great times, our kids got older and aged out and the parents also aged and didn’t want to do anymore hosting. I have some fantastic memories from those years though! We’ve instead replaced it with decorating cupcakes for The Mission’s Christmas dinner.

I stopped doing Christmas cards: I really thought I would do some this year! I have had The Eldest draw our cards in recent years but you know what? She is too busy being a teenager to prioritize that anymore. Christmas cards are also super expensive to mail, averaging about $75-$100 a year to send out 50 cards (depending on if we used Santa photos we had to pay for and how many we sent out). Again, this feels like a relief now that I have made the decision.

We focus more on Advent calendars than gifts: This is kind of a weird one because it saves us not much money or time but as a family we have decided that a small gift every day is much better than a bunch of gifts on Christmas morning. The Eldest loves a good makeup calendar, The Youngest loves a tea calendar and we all have used book calendars. I find it makes the entire month special for us.

If the holiday season is stressful and full of expectations, I heartily suggest you reject all of that (as best as possible) and concentrate on the parts of the season you enjoy and that makes you happy. I love the midwinter season: I love crafts, good food, friends & family, The Vinyl Café Christmas album and chilling out by the fire with a book and a cup of tea. So I focus on those things and spending time with my immediate family & good friends. Whether or not you do all the things or if you don’t do all of the things I guarantee someone will be disappointed, so you may as well just disappoint everyone and save yourself the work.

2023 holiday preparations and my birthday

2023 holiday preparations and my birthday

Yesterday was my birthday. So because the Wordle is my love language, I told myself that the Wordle of the day would guide my birthday:

So Mr. Tucker made me breakfast that featured bacon!

Last week was a whirlwind of activities with friends and I am constantly grateful for the amazing people I have in my life. I forgot to post tree decorating pics, which happened earlier in the month. Last year one of The Americans* put together all of the pie pieces from the various thrifted Trivial Pursuit games she has and sent all of us our colours to be used in ornaments! They remain – to this day – some of my favourite ornaments.



Also, our friends The Cohens invited us over to celebrate Hannukah with them, which meant a lot of delicious latkes and donuts that they made for the occasion. We also got to hang out with their amazing babies, which is also a pleasure. The Cohens have such a lovely, close-knit family that it is such a joy to be around them all. I am grateful for their continued friendship – especially since they also live in the neighbourhood!

It’s funny because my friend’s daughter** married into the Cohen family and we have always stayed relatively close/in touch. It’s strange and beautiful that my babies are now holding/babysitting her babies when I used to hold/babysit her when she was a baby. The circle of life, Simba.



My birthday weekend was pretty great, all told.

Mr. Tucker and I chatted on Thursday evening about how things were looking financially. That came on the heels of him trying to install the microwave above the stove in the condo with a friend of ours…and it not working out. So now we have to find someone who will install it for us. SIGH. Finding someone to do the complete condo renovation was hard enough as it was because it was such a small job, which is why Mr. Tucker just DIY’d it. So now we’ve tripped at the home stretch.

But instead of getting down about it all, we’ve just decided to roll with it, assume he will have to work longer than anticipated, and then we promptly decided to free up some money in our budget for more fun things with the kids this holiday season.

While I am not a person who enjoys receiving gifts, I do enjoy experiences a LOT. So with the stress of this season upon us we made the decision to eat out not once, but TWICE this weekend. We had already planned to go out for all-you-can-eat sushi on Sunday for my birthday but we also went out to a mid-range steakhouse for dinner on Friday before hitting the mall. The Eldest was having a Christmas gift exchange sleepover at a friend’s place the next night so she wanted to grab some gifts.

We had an amazing time Friday night just having a leisurely dinner, hanging out as a family and chatting about our respective weeks. Was it expensive? I think I physically cringed when I saw the bill (don’t tell teenagers that they can order “anything they want.” Especially if your teenagers love lobster). Do I regret it? Not at all. It was a fantastic night, The Eldest got a steal on her friend gifts, we bought the kids Christmas pajamas as well and it was an easy night all around.

Saturday found The Eldest baking cupcakes for our yearly Cupcakes 4 Christmas donation for The Mission’s Christmas dinner. The Youngest spent the evening decorating them, and Mr. Tucker dropped them off bright and early Sunday morning.



While the kitchen was turned into a cupcake factory, I snuck out for an intro pottery class! I share a birthday with one of my closest friends and so three of us decided that we would celebrate together by trying our hands at the pottery wheel. It was…an adventure! While I loved the class – and it flew by so quickly – I feel like I would like more instruction and more skillbuilding that a short one-off class can give. I may look into longer classes next fall.



Our pottery will be fired and glazed and in a few weeks we can pick them up from the store. I am looking forward to it!

Sunday – on my birthday proper – I basically spent the day playing video games, as I requested. For dinner we had AYCE sushi at a (surprisingly great) restaurant near us. The food is good and they have robot servers, which is just charming. It’s less of a relaxing hangout type of dinner and more of a HOW MUCH CAN I GET INTO MY FACEHOLE type of event. I have long learned to not overdo it but my sushi-loving children went overboard and suffered greatly for it. I am still surprised at how much the kids can shove in there, it feels almost like it defies physics.

Back at home, Mr. Tucker and I had a few celebratory birthday drinks while the kids readied themselves for the school week ahead. We haven’t had a lot of time to just sit and BE so it was a lovely way to end a whirlwind of a week and a really great birthday.

Today I am in full planning mode for our Winter Solstice party on the 21st. Since people of all ages and from various places will be joining us after a long hiatus, I want to make it the best one yet. We haven’t had one since 2019 so I am very excited to host one again.

I hope you are all well and I wish for a non-hectic week for all!


*These ones are my Americans. Get your own.
**The daughter is the child of the woman who used to live on the 200 acre farm mentioned in the Wordle link.

Have yourself a merry little update…

Have yourself a merry little update…

We are fully in our #12DaysOfChristmasMovies era. So basically our evenings are dinner and a movie every night!

Today my friend K dropped off a fruitcake for Mr. Tucker – who loves the stuff! Her fruitcakes are particularly special because she candies all of her own fruit. He is very judicious with the fruitcake and savours every bite.

Tonight we are heading over to our friends The Cohens for dinner and Latkes and we are so stoked to see them! Life has been busy with all of our kids getting the flu and colds all through the fall so it’s been pretty impossible to make time to hangout. Since I had so much medical drama we haven’t really even seen them since the summer.

I am planning to host a Winter Solstice party on the 21st but I am trying not to get my hopes up that it will happen (but I bought food for it anyway, because I am an optimist!). It’s been canceled for the past 3 years for obvious (covid) and non-obvious (also covid) reasons. My hope is to have a wee party with crafts and fireside chats. I have also convinced The Eldest and Mr. Tucker to perhaps play some music for the event. Solstice is my favourite part of the holidays and it’s sad that I haven’t been able to celebrate it. I will send the invites out today.

Other than that, I am basically just playing The Witcher, reading books, hanging out with the family, and trying to plan for the new year. I have a few things I usually do and while I am not a resolution person, I am a planner by nature and have some plans for 2024.

To round this off, two links:

I cannot disagree with this list of books to buy for the beginner. In fact, I lost my OG copy of The Wealthy Barber and just bought a used one online. I still maintain that it is one of the BEST (albeit dated) books for a young adult to read if they are just starting out.

When the foundation is broken: Both Taylor and Britney had great success early on. They broke records and appeared destined for Great Things. Two decades later, Taylor is TIME’s Person of the Year, while Britney spends most of her time isolated inside her home and putting out weird Instagram posts. She is, by her own admission, struggling to put her life back together…I know we all know this, but it bears repeating: It is really, really hard to make a success of your life if your foundation is broken. It is hard to be “a source of light” when you are constantly fighting darkness, both inside and outside of yourself.

Vibesession

Vibesession

I love Kyla Scanlon’s YouTube channel because she talks about interesting things. We know that there is a disconnect between things actually being pretty good and people thinking they aren’t good. Kyla’s videos explore a lot of that messaging.

OH, I also found out that she writes as well.

Going sideways

Going sideways

Sometimes Mr. Tucker has a frustrating work week and that always makes me run* to my spreadsheet. I like to double-check that the numbers are still on track. We are so lucky to have a permanent form of income right now that could carry the house should he lose his job. It’s better he doesn’t lose it – and it’s not in danger of being lost – but we could manage.

The one thing it can’t do though is cover the condo expenses (at least not without significantly reducing our lifestyle). We have been ->this close<- to getting everything done in there for weeks now but every time Mr. Tucker makes a plan to go and finish off some of the details, he gets derailed. Sure, it’s been a never-ending deluge of work incidents but it’s also been random, uncontrollable stuff, which makes it worse! For example, he got caught up in a protest downtown for so long that he ran out of time and then had to double back to pick up a kid in time. It feels sometimes like all forces are against us.

But the good news is that the Bank of Canada hasn’t raised the rate and people smarter than me suspect they will start lowering in a cycle or two. That may help the housing market a bit.

The worst part is that our chequing account is lower than it’s ever been. I can’t believe that at one point in my life it was normal to have under $5 in a chequing account because today if it dips under $1500 I panic. In all fairness, everything will get paid, and things are fine but it’s amazing what you get used to.

It’s been such a heck of a time for bleeding money – and right before the holiday season**, too! Part of the reason why it has dipped so low is that we had to buy all new appliances for the condo and since we abhor carrying debt, it got paid as soon as the credit card balance was due. We anticipated that expense but then came a series of unexpected expenses:

    • Mr. Tucker’s glasses broke, so that was an eye exam and some new glasses (thank you benefits for paying a lot of that!).
    • Our car randomly died downtown so Mr. Tucker had to have it towed to the dealership. They couldn’t figure out why it wouldn’t start but still charged us a couple of hundred to look at it (but hey, free car wash***?)! There were three Lyfts on top of that to get back and forth. We got a battery jumper kit for the car in case it happened again because even with the free tow, we still need the car to go vroom.
    • We went to the dentist this week and learned that Mr. Tucker’s benefits have run out, so that is more out-of-pocket money we hadn’t anticipated (and I can only snail mail his portion to my benefit company like it is the freaking 90s).
    • Then, the piece de resistance: yesterday we had our first major snowfall…and the snowblower stopped working. We have given in for this year and just paid for a snow removal service. In all honesty, the snowblower came with the house and was probably old when we moved in. We’ve lived here for 6 years now so it was probably time. We will look into fixing it when we have less on our plates****.

Everything is just so incredibly frustrating right now for sure. But the one thing I am glad of is that we have the money to cover the above expenses because we keep money aside just for situations like these. Every month I slide some cash away into accounts labeled: car, health, and house expenses. It hurts me to actually use the money in there but I am glad it is there for us to not have to panic about unexpected expenses. I use the word “unanticipated” loosely because most of us should know that random expenses will pop up when we least expect them to.

So I am grateful for past me for looking out for today me but man, it’s only the first full week in December and I am still staring down a bunch of social events this month (it’s also my birthday a week before Christmas). While they aren’t all events that will cost money, some are and I am ok with that. Because instead of griping about the cost, I am grateful that I have friends I can spend time with and that I have access to a variety of different places where I can be social.

On that note, I recently finished The Good Life and I highly recommend it! It isn’t heavy with data but more about the stories of people who have happy lives vs. people who have unhappy lives. I’ll give you the crux of it: having high quality, close, positive relationships throughout your life is the key.


* LOL metaphorically. I can’t run.
** I save for that all year round so it doesn’t really affect me but I have upped our budget because the social aspect of this time of year has become more expensive but I would rather keep those events in our lives especially post-pandemic.
*** I’ll let you decide if $237 is a fair price for a car wash (spoiler: nope).
**** No, we are not going to shovel it ourselves. The last thing we need is the only able-bodied adult to have a massive coronary.