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It’s a cruel, cruel summer

It’s a cruel, cruel summer

This year we didn’t go away in winter, instead we saved our money in order to pay off our house (which we will do in September). So naturally, I spent most of the winter looking forward to the summer when I could spend most of my days in our gorgeous backyard swimming, gardening and enjoying the sun. I was also looking forward to getting back into Dragon Boat as I hadn’t been back since the pandemic.

Man plans, god laughs

The youngest child also joined a Dragon Boat team this year and we both spent Saturday of the Dragon Boat Festival racing, enjoying the company of our friends, cheering on other teams and eating fun food. We went home Saturday night and had a lovely sleep after a big day with an early start.

Sunday morning was already looking dicey with the wildfires but we headed off in a friend’s car under the glowing red ball that was the sun. I am kicking myself in retrospect but instead of changing into a pair of sneakers, I just kept my slide-on Crocs on. I should have taken the 2 minutes to change but I was eager to get to the tent and grab a coffee. We walked in the gates & I started towards the beach. Unfortunately, the grass/sand mixture was horribly uneven and I managed to clip my foot on a tree root and despite trying to catch myself, I managed to seriously hurt my foot, which started to swell immediately.

My teammates witnessed this, rushed over, got me a chair and an ice pack and a friend headed over to the first aid tent to grab one of the First Aid volunteers from the ski patrol. He came, determined there was nothing he could do and soon after I found myself whisked off to the hospital.

Poor Mr. Tucker: with the youngest and I off to the ODBF and the eldest off at a sleepover, he was really looking forward to a day to himself doing music and playing video games. Sadly, he had just sat down with a cup of coffee when I texted him to meet me at the hospital. I felt terrible.

Thankfully, we didn’t wait long to be seen and an x-ray, a CT scan and a stand-up x-ray later (REALLY? That was just mean). It was determined that I had a hairline fracture in my foot so it’s an air cast and 5-6 weeks off of my feet. A follow-up appointment with orthopedics the Wednesday of that week also saw a hairline fracture in my fibula. “You’re really great at breaking things,” said the orthopedic doc. Oh am I ever! The advice was the same for both fractures: stay off it for a bit over a month.

Teetering on the edge

The next morning Mr. Tucker went out and rented me a wheelchair which I have now essentially lived in for a month as I gaze longingly at my pool from inside the house. I would be lying if I said it has been an easy month of healing and binge watching bad tv. Instead, Mr. Tucker has now had to ferry the kids around to work and camps as well as manage day-to-day things such as meals and helping me in/out from the wheelchair. He had originally booked off two weeks in July so that we could get a bunch of house stuff done but that has been significantly railroaded by my injury.

He was cranky, I was cranky, we both feel cheated out of the summer we were looking forward to.

Going with the flow

As a distraction from all of the absolute CARP that descended upon us, I tried distracting myself in the following ways, all of which are working in some capacity:

Booking a winter trip: I contacted a local travel agent that specializes in accessible travel and started looking at a trip for March break. My life is a constant battle against the kid’s school schedules, money limitations and how my mobility is going. We’ve decided to splurge and just go on an all-inclusive trip this winter. We are still ironing out the details but it’s been a lovely distraction from having my summer being taken away from me by my injury.

Mr. Tucker and I sat down and did a financial plan – together: usually I create the plan and we sit down and discuss it. But I felt like a lot of it didn’t feel real to him and were just a bunch of numbers on a page. So we sat down with a clean spreadsheet and worked through our numbers together. It was a great exercise for him to actually help create the plan and see for himself how we can plot things for his retirement. He told me that this process made him feel a lot better about all of the bad luck. We also are both really excited about our goals!

Mr. Tucker finished the vacation chores: because things were absolutely bonkers, tasks that should have been organized and done on his vacation did not get done and he was feeling overwhelmed. So he enlisted the children and pretty much got almost all of the outdoor chores done, which allowed him to relax for the second week of his vacation.

I gave myself time and space to make a decision: …about dragon boat. In the end, I gave my seat in the boat up to a friend who is an amazing paddler and I switched myself to being a spare, if needed. I just needed someone who could commit to the team for the next festival and even if I did the full 6 weeks, it would only be two practices before I had to compete. It’s not great for the team so it just made more sense to give up my spot.

I discovered Task Master: which is a hilarious show where comedians compete against each other by doing silly things for dumb prizes. If you need to sink yourself into something hilarious and low stakes, I highly recommend it.

It’s still just horrible luck and I have another week or two until I can walk with any regularity. BUT on a positive note, I will still have a lot of August to enjoy the pool and the garden is producing quite well right now. I will still probably be able to get a couple of paddles in, and Mr. Tucker and I have been buoyed by our new goals. Life throws you curveballs and it can be super difficult to navigate them sometimes but eventually good things will happen, just wait and see.

The Wordle is my love language

The Wordle is my love language

I am in a group chat with some of my oldest and dearest friends. We all met in our early 20s thanks to the internet & a friend who had a 200 acre farm in eastern Ontario. I was a relatively early adopter of the internet in 1994 (with my wee 2400 baud modem), when I was 18. It wasn’t that I was particularly good at computers but that everyone else around me was. My farm-dwelling friend had a local BBS and frequented Usenet where she had met all of these other like-minded people.

In the mid-90s she decided to start something called The Freak Family Picnic where she invited all of her internet friends to descend on the farm for a weekend for camping, bonfires, games etc. People came from all over the US and Canada – and pre-9/11, a guy even flew his plane into the local airport. In the end, she hosted a summer Solstice FFP open to everyone and a winter Solstice FFP that was only open to close friends. For years, this was our twice-yearly ritual and of the core group of people, almost no one missed coming.

Sadly, all good things come to an end and the end of the FFP was abrupt and traumatizing. My friend moved away from the farm, got remarried, traveled the world and is now settled in upstate New York. Happily, the core group of people from that time still remain friends to this day even though many of us have moved states, provinces and even continents. Bless you, internet.

When I medically retired from my job in social media I started to pull back and cull my SM accounts but I still wanted to keep in touch with friends. So we all downloaded Signal and started a group chat with 3 other friends who I’ve stayed close to since the FFP days. The timing for this couldn’t have been better: soon after the group chat ramped up, the pandemic set in.

During the pandemic our group chat was a lifeline. We also had our weekly Trivial Pursuit nights and finally last year we were all able converge in Denver for an in-person visit, which is the closest we really got to the “middle” of where we all lived considering we are in Mountainview, CA; Philadelphia, PA; Denver, CO and I am up here in Canada. It was a great visit and we had all missed each other a lot.

I think that outside of my family, I speak to these three other people daily, even if it is only to share our Wordle score. I’ve slowly come to learn that our Wordle score is our love language. Some days we talk all day long, some days we don’t chat at all but almost always without fail, we always share our Wordle score. It’s become a low-stakes stand in for us to say to each other: hey, I am here. I am alive. We’re connected.

I suppose I didn’t really appreciate this connection until recently when we had a power outage. Of course, when mother nature shows you that human technology is no match for her power, it’s always an adjustment. Sitting eating dinner by lamplight I realized just how amazing it was that some of the closest people in my life could be scattered across two countries and coasts. I realized that even that small connection of doing the Wordle daily left a big hole when I didn’t have it in my life.

We’ve talked a lot about what relationships and social activities look like in a post pandemic world. As a disabled person, this has been an ongoing conversation since even before 2020. In a world that isn’t exactly accessible, our social lives can become burdens as we navigate things no one else has to think about. Having been able-bodied previously, I absolutely understand what it is like to just grab your purse and run out the door to meet up with friends. Now, it is a question of making sure that a place is accessible, that the bathrooms aren’t downstairs, that there are hand railings for me to use. It is even more effort for people who are more disabled than I am.

So in one sense, the pandemic just made us all suddenly think about how interacting with others looks like when you actually have to stop and to think about safety. On the other hand, I think we all realized just how having 100% of our social lives online really is lacking. Much of our communication as humans is non-verbal: it’s about the contagious laughter, the look of sadness in a friend’s eyes, it’s about how being around others makes us feel. While words on a screen are a great way to stay connected, it isn’t the most fulfilling way.

So yes, the Wordle is my love language: it lets my friends know that I am here and that I am available to chat about things big and small. But conversely, the Wordle is no replacement for our get together in Denver last year. Words are important but so is being in the same room with friends. It’s about the dumb jokes, the weird thing that happened at the restaurant that we’ll still laugh at 20 years from now. It’s about the connections, shared meals, ridiculous travel stories.

I don’t know what the future will hold but as we edge further away from the worst of the pandemic, I find I crave the in-person company of my friends more and more. It seems that everyone is still in varying degrees of worry about the pandemic as well. Some people believe the worst is over and have gone on with their lives normally and some people are still terrified of catching it and worry about the long term effects. I don’t think there is an easy answer here. If anything, we should all be kind and accommodating to everyone’s needs. With summer on the horizon, I plan a bunch of social events that we can hold outside to ensure that everyone can feel included. Of course, for my local friends that continues to be at least an option. Even with our horrendously cold, dark, long winters spring always comes eventually.

But for my dearest old friends further out, I’ll keep sharing my Wordle score.


Saying goodbye after defeating Blucifer

Blue Monday and January

Blue Monday and January

I am simultaneously jealous of all of the sunny destination pictures my friends are posting on social media and not envious of all the people getting stranded, delayed or otherwise inconvenienced by airline issues. When we made the decision to stay home this winter I should have also made the rule to stay of social media to avoid the lovely pics. Today is a beautiful, sunny winter day but when it’s this sunny it also means it’s super cold. It’s beautiful from the inside, I keep telling myself as I wrap another blanket around me.

It’s funny to see how accessible travel is these days for the average person. When I was growing up in the 80s almost no one traveled south or overseas in the winter. The odd person may have driven down to Disney or traveled home to see relatives but travel wasn’t as ubiquitous as it is today. I remember having one friend who went to Greece when I was about 10 years old and it felt like a crazy adventure to me! The 90s saw travel had ramp up a bit but by the 2000s it had exploded. Even after 9/11 when travel took a dip due to fear and increased security measures, I was on a plane a month later visiting a friend in Ireland and traveling to Scotland with her. By the end of the decade, it felt like everyone was hopping on planes to vacation.

Now I miss it if we don’t go away in winter but there was a time that it wasn’t even on my radar. I am trying to bring that feeling back: the feeling of moving with the seasons and coping with the weather around me; changing my activities to suit the season; embracing winter sports and staying indoors by the fire with a cup of tea and a good book. Still, like a petulant child I find myself having temper tantrums in my head because I can’t go somewhere warm. It’s amazing how humans adapt: what was once a rare treat available to few, I now feel somewhat resentful for when I can’t have it – even though it’s self-imposed! Having two kids at home who are invested in school has also meant that they don’t want to take any school off to travel, either. It’s strange to me but clearly I am weirdly proud of their dedication. In the end there are so many factors that keep me grounded – in every sense of the word!

But back to poor, misunderstood January! Yesterday was Blue Monday, which is said to be the most depressing day of the year. But it can’t be all that bad because New Order has an excellent song by that name. Also, January is apparently National Breakup Month. Oooof, poor January.

BUT!

January is also the best time to reflect and go inwards. I don’t know how people in the southern hemisphere feel but up here the cold, dark days post-December revelry is a good time to stop, reflect and take stock of things (especially after all of that feasting and merriment). It’s a period of calm after the chaos that allows you to just be calm for a bit and maybe dry out, eat better and give new routines a whirl.

As for myself, I am trying to catch up on reading all of my library books (who am I kidding: I have never been able to balance these! If I read one, one more gets added to the pile. It’s truly an embarrassment of riches), get back on the meal planning train (the #1 tool in my arsenal to not waste and to save money), and I’m keeping an eye on our budget as EI and CPP start getting taken off of Mr. Tucker’s paycheques again just as I am trying to load our RRSPs in time for the tax season.

In the meantime, for those of you who are having difficulty embracing the cold, dark days of January, I highly recommend Katherine May’s book, Wintering to help you see that even the colder months are special and have something to teach us.

It’s been a hot minute – what I am up to

It’s been a hot minute – what I am up to

WELP. The idea of writing consistently here this year as a New Year’s resolution didn’t happen. Still, I’ve not really spent a lot of time on social media this year and I have definitely kicked my facebook habit (and replaced about 50% of it with an Instagram habit – oops!). Of course, the pandemic is still out there pandemicking but the kids are back in school so that is nice. We had a great summer of outdoor socially distanced hangouts, and now we are settling in to have a lovely autumn full of fun fall activities. But first, maybe a roundup of what has happened in the past 6 months since I last wrote:

Cottaging on Manitoulin island: we have probably shut the door on camping/cottaging with the two other families. Since Sprout was 2, we’ve either Glamped in Quebec parks or we’ve rented cottages. This year we had a lovely week in Dominion Bay where the kids could run around, play games and go for long walks. My friend S did her yearly craft camp for the kids & there was woodburning, leaf painting & other projects completed. I mostly read, and we even headed out to an outdoor farmer’s market (a pandemic first for me!) where I bought cozy wool socks for me, rings made out of antique spoons for the kids, and a pepper grinder from a woodworker for Nick.

Unfortunately, during the pandemic there was a run on cottage rentals and even though we tried to book for next year early this summer, there was really nothing to be had that wasn’t $3000 a week – a bit steep. Also, our kids are much older now: Sprout is going to be 12 next year and the oldest kids will be 16 and will probably have jobs. It’s been a good run but it’s time to move on. Not all is lost though! More below!

Gardening: this was our garden’s second year & like the first year we kind of took the “set it and forget it” approach. Still, we got a lot out of it despite the chaos and have learned that we can probably sow an early spring garden, a summer garden & a fall garden. We did end up sowing a fall garden but a little later than I would have liked so who knows what will happen? Despite the cold, the tomatoes are still producing and the basil is going strong. Heck, some of our herbs – like lavender, coriander & dill – have re-seeded and are producing again. Since our goal is to bring those herbs inside for wintering under grow lights, I am happy to see it!

Hopefully we will get some cool weather crops before the snow flies! Then we will pull the dying plants, lay on our home made compost and let the beds winter. Otherwise, we have garlic to plant for next year before the winter sets in.

    Canning, preserving & gleaning: we did most of the things we had done last year that we had enjoyed,

– Horseradish dill pickles
– Tomato sauce
– Spicy dilly beans
– Strawberry and raspberry jam
– Sundried tomatoes

    Some new things,

– Both dill and sweet mustard relish (made when our cucumbers turned yellow)
– Red onion and beetroot chutney
– Marinated eggplant

    Some boozy things,

– We made Nocino from friend’s black walnuts
– We made a bachelor’s jam for Winter Solstice/Yule
– We are now trying our hand at plum wine from our friend’s plums

I am going to do an entire post on all of the things we did & some recipes sometime soon. What’s notable though is what we didn’t do: salsa or tomatillo salsa. We really weren’t going through it as quickly as I thought we would, so we focused on tomato sauce instead.

Money Mondays: this is still going strong! We’ve done sessions on a bunch of things such as the Disability Tax Credit, had a guest speaker to do a presentation on wills, and next week I am doing one on budgets.

Health: the good news is that the ALS clinic told me that I am doing well enough that I only have to come in once every two years! The nurse told me that this was the first time she’s heard the doctor tell someone that so I am pretty proud. Still, I could be doing more work on my health to be quite honest.

– Mr. Tucker and I are taking long walks (I bought a yellow tricycle, which is what I usually take) weekdays. We grab the dogs in the morning, walk Sprout to the end of the street, then we walk the Bean to her bus stop & then we head down to the river for a longer walk (or just through the neighbourhood on busy mornings). It’s been really good for us both to be forced to get up, washed, dressed and out the door. Otherwise we just lounge around the house in our jammies.
– I plan to do #folktober next month to work on my fine motor skills with painting. I bought some nice watercolour paints and I need to encourage myself to use them. Wish me luck!
– I need to clean out my knitting basket to make it more user-friendly. The Sprout reminded me that I said I would teach them to knit and I still haven’t. So again, in the interest of my fine motor neuron skills (and keeping my promise) I should pull that out again.
– My vitamin regimen has made my cycle much better and that in turn has also helped my spasticity.
– I haven’t had alcohol since October 28th, 2020.
– My skin has been just awful so yesterday I was tested for a bunch of things (celiac, thyroid) and my GP is making me appointments with two dermatologists, so we will see how that will play out. I figure this may be an ongoing saga for awhile as appointments are sparse due to the pandemic.

Finances: shockingly, Mr. Tucker has made the decision to work longer in order to put more money into some house-related projects. This means we’ve eased up on our intense budget and instead we are buying more things that bring us joy. For example, we are trying to rehire our old housecleaner again as we’ve decided that our weekends are probably not best spent arguing with the kids over chores. They both know how to clean an entire house so we’ve done our job here. They’ll still have chores, just less of them.

I have also increased our a> grocery budget; and b> our pocket money. We are still saving at an amazing rate but we aren’t as intense as we were for most of this year. We hit our prepayment amount for our mortgage & will contribute to Mr. Tucker’s retirement accounts (but to a lesser degree).

Instead we are also going to…

Travel: both near and far. When we were on Manitoulin Island this summer we made the decision that if cottages were going to be $3000 a week that we would be better off booking a trip down south instead. So that is what we have done. We have tentatively booked a vacation to Jamaica next winter (covid willing!). We booked our flights & house rentals but we did manage to get good cancellation policies so we will see where the world is at come winter.

We also have decided to treat the kids & take them to Canada’s Wonderland for the Halloween Haunt. We ended up buying season passes with another family in the hopes of going back for a couple of days next summer as well.

I would like to also do more things close to home such as heading to various Halloween-themed (outdoor) events in our area. After a year and a half of being stuck at home, I am eager to spread my social wings!

So that is about it for changes around here. Mostly my days are spent reading and parenting & watching shows or playing games as a family. I think we’ve turned a corner on covid – at least in our area of the world – so I hope that stays steady. Overall, life is pretty good.

It’s Friday – beige dinner night. Also: vacations

It’s Friday – beige dinner night. Also: vacations

Well, not all beige. Some nights – like tonight – we’re doing pizza. My favourite recipe for pizza is this Ultimate Vegan Pizza recipe by The Buddhist Chef. Even if you don’t make the cheez (which you should try as it is delicious) it is an amazing recipe for the crust alone. If you oil a square baking sheet before spreading out the crust, it’s even crispier! We’re having it with salad – so again, not beige – but it’s a Caesar salad so the green is just for show.

It’s strange to think about now but we are setting up our plans for summer vacation. Typically we go somewhere in the winter but of course no one is going anywhere this year. As much as we love travel, it’s been nice to not have to have another rushed vacation with the kids. Mr. Tucker also really enjoyed his week at home doing nothing but a few house chores during the week at Christmas. So because of that, he is going to take two weeks off during the summer: one week for the cottage week with two other families, and one week to stay home, relax, and get a few odd jobs around the house.

While these plans chose us this year, it is also nice to be able to save money by not going anywhere this year. Mr. Tucker and I have some fairly intense financial goals over the next three years and so we have actually nixed international travel for the foreseeable future (unless one of us gets an astronomical windfall or raise).

If I am perfectly honest, we’ve also seen a lot with the kids: we’ve been to Disney World twice, Universal Studios once, and we’ve seen most of the Caribbean and many countries in Central America – including a cruise through the Panama Canal. They’ve been on boat cruise in NYC on New Year’s Eve watching the fireworks behind the Statue of Liberty, and stayed in Venice Beach & walked around Hollywood. It’s enough for kids who are only 10 & 12! Besides, the Bean is in jr. high now and taking time off in winter is just not as do-able as it was when they were in primary school.

At the end of our three years of tight budgeting and saving, we can make decisions then. But until we reach the end of those 30 months, it’s going to be very lean: we will have enough to live a really good life but not a little wiggle room for anything outside that. Right now we are leveraging the fact that we can’t go out in the pandemic to kickstart our new habit to reach our goals. Nothing makes staying home easier than an emergency stay-at-home order.

So our rowdy weekend plans include homemade pizza and a movie on the big screen (the projector in our basement rec room). In fact, this pretty much looks like our rowdy weekend plans for the next 3 years – and I am ok with that. Besides, this idiot has 136 more books to read before the end of the year!