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No resolutions in January. Theme of 2026? Scholarship

No resolutions in January. Theme of 2026? Scholarship


Ganked from Austin Kleon

One of the creators whose content I adore is by the writer/artist Austin Kleon[1]. He posted the gem above last week and it blew my mind. It just is an absolutely sensical way to go gently into the new year. It also gives people (especially parents who need to start school/activities again and get back on schedule!) a wee break and time to consider what they want to focus on in the new year after the chaos of the holidays. Also, if I remember correctly, there is often a steep drop-off in interest after the first month for the more popular resolutions, which may make it easier to stick to if you aren’t elbow-to-elbow with people at the gym or if you can get into the classes you’d like to take.

Also, check out how February lines up into four perfect weeks:


Starts on Sunday and ends on Saturday. Perfection!

You say there’s gonna be a resolution, weh-hell, you know…

I don’t really have a resolution set for 2026. I do have a theme though, and that is the theme of scholarship. Basically, I want to do a deep dive into a variety of topics that I have always meant to learn more about.

After a year of re-calibrating the brain meats by staying off most social media (or social media, mostly – as it were) I realize that most of my problems stemmed from the fact that I’d find myself in a comment spiral. I was addicted to the conversations on social media which gave me a hollowed out version of two things I love: being social and debating. I would get dopamine hits from having rousing debates with friends online – especially during the years when my kids were young and I couldn’t get out as much. But I also came to terms with the fact that it also brought too many negatives: arguments between friends-of-friends, the nonstop highlight reel of negativity, the hours I spent glued to a platform that was serving up less content that I wanted to see and more slop and ads.

I read a lot in 2025 and now in 2026 I want to hone in and learn more about *specific* topics. Delving into Celtic history is high on that list. I also want to continue to work on my drawing and watercolour skills, which I think is just me doing more practice. Part of this is also setting up a well-lit workspace to be able to work in which is separate from my computer space in the shared office. I want to reduce the friction of working on my analog projects and increase the friction of just flopping down and reading/watching internet content all day.

Of course, I really ramped up the social events in 2025 and I plan to absolutely continue that into 2026.

Budgety

It feels weird to just…coast? To not have any financial goals or to have to think about money?

Mr. Tucker and I sat down and discussed how weird it was to have achieved everything we set out to achieve: our house & our car are paid, the kids have enough in their RESPs to each do a 4 year undergraduate degree, we have savings and investments, we’ve pre-planned our funerals, we gave my stepson some money to help him get his financial house in order as he turns 30 this month, and we basically are content with what we have. So what next?

We decided to use the money from Mr. Tucker’s work to save up for a cruise around the world. Of course, it wouldn’t happen until The Youngest is 18 and off to post-secondary, which gives us two years to save and figure out a game plan. We also would probably only want to leave for 4 months or less because that’s as much time as I can see me being away from home. We’ve only done a couple of 1 month trips so it would be a big leap for us. So essentially, the plan is to see the world over a few years – in 4 month increments at a time.

Milestones

It is a big year for our entire family:
My Stepson turns 30
The Eldest turns 18
The Youngest turns 16
Mr. Tucker and I will celebrate our 20 year wedding anniversary

I suspect we will spend a lot of our time celebrating our children and not celebrating our anniversary but that’s ok. We celebrate our marriage every day, really. But our kids will only get these big milestones once. My Stepson will be moving in with his girlfriend and opening a new restaurant, The Eldest is graduating high school and off to university in the fall, and The Youngest will be celebrating her Sweet 16 and getting her driver’s license in the spring. So it will be a busy year full of life events. I am excited.

I guess that is part of the reason why I am not really leaning into a lot of personal change right now: because life will be full of changes this year anyway. To be honest, I am so proud of all of our children and what amazing people they are that even though I am a bit sad and nostalgic, I am glad they are growing up and starting to live their own lives, seperate from us. This is, after all, the goal of successful parenting.

[1] I won’t ever spend money on Substack because a> they platform nazis, b> their payment tiers are ridiculous, c> no social media company is gonna save us – and have we not learned this lesson? But if you don’t have the same reservations, then I highly recommend his content! Also, you can just do what I did and buy his books. Here is a handy dandy link to his stuff on Bookshop.org.

The Big Dirt Nap

The Big Dirt Nap


“It is a truth universally acknowledged, that a single woman in possession of a good fortune, must be in want of a burial plot.” – Me, with apologies to Jane Austen

Once the dust had settled on the condo closing we turned our attention to other things. The priority – since our life circumstances had changed – was to update our wills to reflect the fact that we no longer owned Balconville. We also needed to update the executors and since The Eldest turns 18 in March, we wanted something that would acknowledge that she will be a legal adult. The next priority? Pre-planning our funerals.

I guess I am a pragmatic person and while I do have a lot of superstitious thoughts rolling around my head (“Great! Watch us now die in a fiery wreck on our way home!”) my more practical inclinations tend to win out. My logic here was to prevent the kids from having to scramble to make arrangements for us under duress. If we pre-planned and pre-paid, then the kids would know down to the letter what our wishes are. Our final gift to them would be removing that burden. This way, the choices were already made and they just have to show up to the celebration of life with some sandwiches.

Location, location, location!
I used to imagine that I would be buried alongside my maternal line in the east end of the city. It is an old cemetery full of history and many of my family members are buried there, including my grandmother who I was incredibly close to. But when I sat down and thought about it, since I am estranged from that side of the family it made more sense to create new traditions and let the past be the past. Also, it is a Catholic cemetery and while I was raised in that faith, Mr. Tucker was raised in the United church and while he didn’t care either way (“Why would I care! I’ll be dead!”) it felt weird to me to make him go to a place that reflected more of my history than it did our shared life together. So, Mr. Tucker and I made the decision to strike out on our own and choose our final resting place to reflect the area we spent most of our lives in. We ended up choosing a place closer to our home, in a nondenominational cemetery.

Both Mr. Tucker’s parents and my patrilineal side have plots (at what once was…) out of town, on the edge of the city. It is also nondenominational (scandalously – my father’s parents were of different faiths, so when they got married only one Catholic priest in the city would agree to marry them!) but alas, it is way too far out of town. It’s also a super inconvenient spot to get to and quite frankly, should the kids end up moving out of the city I want them to be able to come back and visit our graves close to the area they grew up in. They may not even visit our graves but I still wanted to make it as convenient as possible. Conversely, I have a friend who bought plots in the country, nearby to where her father grew up because the area is important to her. We all have a different thought process for our final resting place and there are no wrong answers.

The process
To be fair, neither of us have ever planned a funeral or purchased a plot before so when I reached out to the Remembrance Service company, we agreed to meet up to discuss. There is a lot that goes into planning your BIG DIRT NAP but most falls into two categories: the arrangements and the plot itself. Both can be as simple as you’d like or as complex as you’d like depending on your personal tastes and your budget.

We met up on a weekday to discuss our plans with a Funeral Director named Michelle. I have to say, she was incredible. There is this notion that somehow all funeral homes are out to squeeze as much money out of you as possible but this couldn’t be further from our experience. Most places have their pricing listed right on their website so you can comparision shop fairly easily. In fact, once we had the basics down, she gave us the simplest option as possible for a cremation: two urns, a small headstone and a Celebration of Life. We could have gone with a flat plaque or a pillow style of marker but I did want a headstone that was upright.



A pillow is on an angle, a bit off the ground


A plaque is directly on the earth

The services and the service
Mr. Tucker and I don’t want an elaborate religious service so we opted for a two hour Celebration of Life where family and friend could come pay their respects. The internment itself would be limited to family afterwards. The entire process from picking up the body, to dealing with remains to the service is $6336.63 per person and is broken down by the following choices:

The taxes excluded portion
$895 – Staff/Professional Services
$400 – Administration
$575 – Transport
$475 – Documentation
$395 – Shelter
$700 – Reception
$425 – Visitation Staff
$685 – Basic Urn
$5147.15 (4555 +592.15 taxes)

Taxes all-in portion
$52.28 – Municipal Death Registration Fee
$75 – Coroner’s Fee
$1062.20 – Cremation
1189.40
$6336.55 – Grand total for the services for both of us

Plotting our forever home



“Oooh! We get cremated in a pine box!” Nick said.
“Not even,” Michelle countered. “It’s fiberboard.”
“Works for me!” he said.

Originally when Michelle priced it out, she did the cheapest area with a headstone which was my requirement as Mr. Tucker had no opinion (“Why would I care! I’ll be dead!”) in a place called the Urn Garden. It sounded good to me and was placed up some lovely rock steps under a giant tree. It looked lovely in photos so it seemed like that was what we’d go with. Michelle encouraged us to go have a look when we were leaving to give us an idea of how the layout was. The plot itself had space for two urns and was approximately $11000 bringing the total to a little over $23000 for both of us.

When the meeting ended, we left the main building we headed up to the Urn Garden to have a look at the space. It was a gorgeous area even in dark and dreary November. But there were two issues from my point of view that made it less than an ideal choice: the plots were so close together that you couldn’t even turn a wheelchair around, or even go and pay your respects without being right up against someone else’s gravestone. Finally – and this probably seems like a weird one to most people – the only headstone colour choices that were allowed here were pink and grey.

When I saw that, I balked. Mr. Tucker of course didn’t really care either way (“Why would I care! I’ll be dead!”) but I was unhappy. I wanted the option for a black headstone and to have a more traditional spacing for the plot. Also, I wanted to be as close to the end of a row as possible. I have memories of traversing the cemetery my family is buried in every year on Mother’s Day for years as we always forgot the locations of my grandmother and great-grandmother’s graves. I wanted it to be as easy to find as possible.


We went home and emailed Michelle and asked her for other options. She got back to us with pricing for three traditional plot options we could look at and we made an appointment for the following week to go drive around the cemetery to look at them.

I want to be clear – there are MUCH cheaper options available from a Remembrance Wall to just taking the ashes home with you and spreading them somewhere. But I did want something a little more traditional which is why we started at the Urn Garden. You could bring this far under the prices I am quoting here.

The next step up were traditional plots which had the option for two caskets/four urns or six urns. You could get whatever 30×30 monument in whatever colour you wanted but the options started here at $21651 for the new section, $25493 for a middle section and $28092 for a plot in the older section of the cemetery.

As we drove around I noticed that all of the sections had decent options. Michelle would get out of the car with her giant laminated map and stand outside where the headstones on various plots would be and then she’d indicate the size of the space. She was an absolute trooper doing this over-and-over again in the rain.



Michelle’s map of plots

Alas, channelling Goldilocks, I was dissatisfied with the first two options. The new section was right next to a parking lot and they were looking to expand the crematorium so we didn’t know what the future held for that section (too cold!). The middle section you’d have to hike around to the back and there weren’t many trees around so in the summer there would be no place to really get any shade (too hot!). Naturally, of course, the older section was juuuuuust right. There was a lovely plot right up on the top of the hill, at the end of a row, about 10 feet from the cemetery’s ring road and banked by trees at the foot of the plot (“The perfect place,” I thought to myself, “to put a bench up against the trees.”[1]). Mr. Tucker also weighed in at this point and said he didn’t want to be right next to a parking lot or a place devoid of trees. So as it turns out, he did care – at least a tiny bit – about his final resting place! He, too, preferred the older, treed section.

Here is the breakdown of the Goldilocks plot

Plot, burial and accessories
$10,080 – 2 grave lot side by side
$6,720 – Care and Maintenance (one-time fee)
$1,100 – Burial Fee for Urns $550 each
$6,000 – 30X30 Monument with base (Black)
$960 – Concrete Foundation for Monument
$28,091.80 Grand Total ($24,860 + $3,231.80 taxes) for the plot

All in, per person: $17214.18



So many options – and fabric options, too! You could really get cozy in there!

We went back to the office where she asked us what we wanted the headstone to say and what type of design and etching we wanted. It will come as no surprise that there are a plethora of options including etching photos with a laser right onto the stone. It’s a wee bit too uncanny valley/bad family tattoo for my tastes so we chose a more traditional option with some flowers down the sides and a plain font. She actually took a picture of the stone to attach to our file and then drew out how we wanted the writing to go, what we wanted it to say, and in what order and what style. I suppose it makes sense to plan the entire thing out, after all the point of pre-planning a funeral is to alleviate all of the decision-making from your loved ones while they are grieving.

What I learned
To be honest, I found the entire process to be fascinating and to be an absolute relief. It was the last nail in the coffin (har har) for us to move from this stage of our lives into the next one. Is it an eye-wateringly expensive endeavour to pre-plan it like this? Possibly. But I would rather do it now and get it over and done with. I just have to leave the kids one thing you cannot pre-plan: the catering for the Celebration of Life. It’s the one thing they don’t handle because it’s unpredictable.

Michelle did mention that they manage almost all of the administration for notifying the government about your death. She said that the industry started doing that when it was discovered that many widows were missing the deadlines for claiming the $2500 death benefit from CPP. You only have 6 months to claim it after a death and since historically many women didn’t touch finances or administration for their families, they were missing out on this money they absolutely could have used. So funeral homes took it over. Now they notify everyone: Service Canada (CPP/OAS/GIS), cancel your driver’s license, cancel your health card, as well as register the death, get the coroner’s release etc. Although this can vary, they provide surviving heirs 15 copies of the death certificate (with access to more as needed) for banking, insurance etc.

They also offer a 12-month, interest-free payment plan for both the Funeral Services and the Plot. We put a deposit down on the plot and took them up on this offer for the balance. When we pass, all the surviving spouse or relatives have to do is call the funeral home’s 24-hour line and they will set in motion all of the things we planned. There will be no difficult choices made out of guilt or assumptions about what like or don’t like – it’s all on file and it is all paid for (except the catering).

The money we pay today is held and invested by a third party company. So on one hand, we lock in at 2025 prices. On the other hand, could I probably have chosen to just invest it all and made more money and then just leave the kids detailed instructions? Possibly. People who try and optimize for every dollar will probably go this route. But with my luck I will die in a market downturn and the kids will struggle with getting the documentation they need to release the funds in order to pay for things. This is a classic example of my mantra: THROW MONEY AT THE PROBLEM. I think the lack of stress & worry will be worth any gains I could have made on this money. So for the next year we will replace the paying we typically have to pay for the mortgage/condo fees/insurance/taxes and transition that into a new piece of property: THE BIG DIRT NAP.


[1]Of course I priced it out. $3800.

Goodbye, Balconville

Goodbye, Balconville

If you have been here for awhile, you already know that I renovated a condo I own(ed) twice in the last 7 years, both times due to a relative absolutely mistreating the space. After the final renovation, we rented it out to a lovely couple who gave notice and moved on for work after a year of renting from us. Like I said, I never wanted to be a landlord and I lucked out with having great tenants (and I made a whopping $20 a month, so I wasn’t exactly a slumlord). After our tenants left though, we tried our hands at selling it again. We had the older floors ripped up and decided to go with polished concrete this time so keep with the loft look. I figured that the wood floors were harder to maintain as a rental so if we had to rent it again, it would be easier to go with a more durable floor choice.

We priced it low and surprisingly it sold a week after being on the market with a closing date at the end of that same month. What was interesting about the entire process of selling it was that it sucked out almost all of the nostalgia and goodwill I had towards Balconville. Despite having made some of the greatest memories from Mr. Tucker & I starting out our lives together in that space, it was apparent that it had become a burden. I wanted to close the door on that chapter of my life. Someone else can now make amazing memories in that space and enjoy what I believe is one of the better floorplans for a 1-bedroom condo in this city.

I don’t want to get into the nitty gritty of how stressful it was but it is done now and we are finally able to move on from that part of our lives. I am so glad that the process wasn’t drawn out – I don’t think I could have managed a prolonged closing. In the end, our tenant’s lease was up on September 30th, and the condo closed on October 31st.


The floors turned out beautifully. What a different a refresh makes!

For those of you who remember, this was the last thing on our list in order for Mr. Tucker to retire early. Not having the mortgage, condo fees, property taxes and insurance has been monumentally freeing for both of us. I think we both felt the weight lift from us as soon as we went in to sign the papers with the lawyer. We left the lawyer’s office feeling lighter and more free than we had felt in 7 years. It was the final thing we needed to do to move onto the last phase of our lives. We kept the memories but left the people who caused us so much pain behind. It was time to move on.

Of course, Mr. Tucker didn’t just waltz home and quit his job! He will work for as long as he can but his company has been circling the drain for a long time now and as they squeeze more out of employees layoff after layoff, it’s clear that the writing is on the wall. It’s nice to be in a position where we have options so he doesn’t have to take the first job that comes along because we are over-leveraged. So he will wait it out. He was one of the first people hired at that company and he says he wants to see it to the bitter conclusion.

In the end, we didn’t make bank on the sale of the condo. Essentially, I after all of the renovations we had to do, the closing costs, covering my butt for capital gains, putting some money away to top off our emergency fund, we had a wee bit left to put away for the children. But I’m not mad about it. The greatest thing about selling the condo was being able to take those expenses out of our budget and have the piece of mind that we don’t have to carry those costs should everything fall apart for us financially.

So au revoir Balconville! I will miss you but I don’t regret selling you.

A very wintery life update about 2025 goals

A very wintery life update about 2025 goals

It’s Sunday morning in winter so naturally I am alone. The Eldest teaches skiing and The Youngest still takes Snowboarding lessons which leaves me in the house my myself. Mr. Tucker is up-and-at-‘em at O’dark early to get The Eldest to her bus and then has a brief respite before dragging The Youngest up to a mountain for her lesson. It’s a super busy time of year but if you don’t keep yourself busy and active, you will just languish in the dark and cold.

The condo and work

I remembered recently that I hadn’t really updated since July’s big drama. The TL;DR of it all is: we did lower the interest rate and we managed to rent out the condo to a lovely young couple. So that is going well at least. Rest assured we are making zero profit from this & I know that makes me shitty at being a landlord but I am ok with that. Mr. Tucker continues to be employed by the same company and his workload is more manageable than he originally thought. Because they cut so deep though, he did toss in his hat to do some on call for another colleague who was managing on her own 24/7. Thankfully, there are rarely after hours issues that need to be actioned.

Mr. Tucker has made the decision to just stay put for the foreseeable future and let the chips fall where they may. Part of it is sheer curiosity of what will happen in 2025 and part of it is that work is more manageable than he originally thought it would be when it all went down last July. Some of the people who were laid off have discovered that a lot of tech work – especially work-from-home tech work – has dried up and pays a lot less than it did previously. He realizes that he has it good with his well-paying WFH gig and a job he is great at, so he will ride it out until the bitter end.

Also, the future all seems so uncertain right now (does it ever feel certain?) and for context, I am writing this a week after Trump’s inauguration, and he is currently scatter gunning commentary and threatening takeovers and tariffs all over the place. I suspect that at some point Mr. Tucker’s job will get caught up in the crossfire as we live in Canada and his company is in the US. There are already rumblings about profitability and if another layer of complications comes down the pipe, we may see them just throw in the towel on international hires.

Personal Renaissance (formerly known as the mid-life crisis)

Last year when I had my hysterectomy I had to have a blood transfusion. After years and years of being severely anemic, a transfusion was like being on uppers for the first time! Despite the fact I was recovering from an intense abdominal surgery that went a bit sideways, I had a lot more energy than I had experienced in a decade. It was incredible! Then, in the summer, we quit drinking alcohol and my quality of life increased dramatically. Gone were the lethargic days, heartburn and fuzzy-headedness.

Given these things, I decided to change up my meds at the end of Rocktober and WOWEE I am not kidding when I say it changed my life. I suddenly had a lot more energy, my PLS symptoms got better and I wanted to do more things for myself such as work out and have a decent skin care routine. So I did!

I learned how to make my skin feel and look better with budget products (thank you to the budget videos by Dr. Idriss!). I signed myself back up for physiotherapy and massage[1] in an attempt to build strength and decrease spasticity and so far it is working really well. I also started spending a little extra money on getting my hair and nails done professionally. For someone who has NEVER really spent much money on beauty products it has been a super large leap for me to actually care about those things[2] ! So far I have zero regrets: I look better, I feel better and I am generally more confident and feel less frumpy.

We have added a few extras back into our budget and it feels good to splurge a bit more. We don’t eat out at all but instead have a lovely fancy dinner once every couple of months. It’s really worked out in terms of value because there is a lot of space around these splurgy events so they stand out and are truly enjoyed.

I also am currently taking an art class through the city. It reaffirms that I am definitely not an artist but it’s been a great, soothing way to spend Mondays during the indoor months. It’s lovely to be in a room of folks all similarly concentrated on their small art projects and most of them on my level: enjoying the process but aren’t lying to themselves about their artistic abilities. I think doing things is fun even when you aren’t good at them. Maybe even ESPECIALLY if you aren’t good at them because the pressure to perform is off.

Budgety 2025

I mentioned previously that we had met all of our financial goals. The house is paid off. We have a solid income via my disability to support our family (and life insurance should the worst happen). Mr. Tucker’s retirement accounts are definitely coasting – and by that I mean that when my disability income replacement ends in 16 years, it will have increased enough via compound interest to support a pretty darn good lifestyle when combined with CPP/OAS – even if we never put another cent in.

Still, our cash savings is lower than I’d like it to be given that should Mr. Tucker lose his job AND we lose our renters, it would just kill our budget. So this year is about getting those cash reserves up in 2025 so that we can carry everything we need to in an emergency. I think we will be laser focused on getting cash into our TFSAs this year.

Another win for us is that we have fully funded The Eldest’s RESP! By that I mean, we have caught up to the point where we no longer get the 20% matching (up to $7200) from the feds. So now we only have 2025-2026 to get the full matching for The Youngest.

RDSP contributions are also done. The Disability Savings Program is so strange in the fact that you can only get grant matching until December 31st of the year you turn 49. Whomp whomp: I turned 49 in December. I can’t be mad at the 100% return on the RDSP grant though.

This brings me to another finale in our childrearing years: now that The Eldest is 16, the last big thing we will pay for is her driving classes and her driver’s license. I am signing up for her classes this week so that she can take her G2 exit exam as soon as possible & then next year she can get her full G. Combined with the money we have invested to help her get her jobs (ski instructor in winter, wading pool attendant in the summer), her driver’s license, and money for education, she is all ready to be an adult out in the world! Two more years and her sister will follow suit!

This is The Youngest’s last year of snowboarding lessons and next year she will take her snowboarding instructor course. This summer will be her last year of sailing lessons where she will hopefully be able to get her CanSail 4. We will get her CPR/SFA and her motorboat license and hope that next year she can come back to be a sailing camp instructor. The we will get her driving lessons and pay for her license and she is off as well!

It is crazy to think that we are almost out of summer camps and kid activities. It’s been a long and expensive road but I truly believe it is worth it. I have zero regrets about having kids and the expense of children generally. My kids are amazing and while I recognize that parenting isn’t for everyone, it has definitely been a worthwhile wonderful adventure for us and I genuinely like my children as people[3].

You have to kick at the darkness…

I have been trying not to mainline news but the news is still mainlining me. Even Youtube feels like a game of whack-a-mole and chicken all at the same time. I click “not interested” and like a Hydra, a new political video pops up in its place. It seems that everywhere I go it’s just one crappy headline after another. The fact that we are in the coldest and darkest days here in Canada definitely doesn’t help. Then of course, tax season is coming down the pipe so it is almost time to round up all of our paperwork for that. Until then, we are trying to stuff our tax-advantaged accounts as much as possible to reduce our taxable income (because I *always* owe because they don’t tax CPP-D at the source).

But there are still glimmers of light! Since divesting from social media many friends have reached out via Signal, email or text. The evenings have been spent sitting in front of the fireplace with tea and books. Mr. Tucker and I start our days with coffee in the dining room where we have fresh flowers to remind us that spring does eventually come (it never feels like that in January and February). I even paid our veggie CSA this week, so that is also a harbinger of a new year. In the mornings, we light a beeswax candle and start our days softly chatting instead of picking up our phones. Mr. Tucker has even spent some of his down time picking oil painting back up again.

I guess that is just it, when it comes down to it: you have to just keep focusing on the little joys day-to-day & trudging forward with your goals and dreams.

[1] Our benefits partially cover some of these expenses
[2] I know some people will feel that vain but so be it: we all have different splurges and that’s ok
[3] So far! I hope it stays that way!

Resolution, dream, goal or plan? Maybe all of the above

Resolution, dream, goal or plan? Maybe all of the above

In 2020 we had found ourselves suddenly homeschooling and stuck at home. Like most people, we also found ourselves drinking a wee bit more alcohol than we usually did. By October it was clear that not only were we spending scads of coin on booze, we also felt like shit and the consumption of alcohol was severely affecting our mood. So on October 31, 2020 the last alcoholic beverage for the next 365 days was consumed.

I won’t lie and say that it was an easy year, there were many times where one or both of us wanted to celebrate with a glass of something stronger than club soda. But we stuck to it and found that not only did we lose some weight, we also saved a pile of cash. In October 31st, 2021 we went to a friend’s outdoor (belated) birthday party and toasted her with some spiked punch.

Since then, we haven’t really consumed alcohol like we used to. Aside from the fact that we are old and more prone to hangovers, alcohol also makes me incredibly spastic the next day. More and more we found that we don’t like losing the next day to recuperating so while we drank often we didn’t find ourselves going too crazy. We also discovered that we prefer more higher-end brands as well, so when we did drink alcohol it could often get really expensive. So when we mulled it over, alcohol consumption – while fun in the moment – was incongruent with our long term health and financial goals. So we decided that 2023 would be an alcohol-free year for us.

When I mentioned our sober year goals to a friend, I mentioned that one of the reasons was to help us pay off our house in 2023. She replied with, “It’s can’t make that much of a difference, can it?” So I ran the numbers and in Beer and Liquor store purchases alone (not cash, not bars/restaurants, not gifts) we spent $5500 on our credit card*. Of course, alcohol in this province is super expensive but actually running the numbers was pretty shocking to me because looking back it didn’t even seem like we drank that much last year. What an eye-opener!

Resolution #1 – a sober 2023

As mentioned above, our mortgage is up for renewal later this year and we want to just pay the entire thing off completely. We had already planned to do that before the prime rate had climbed to dizzying heights but now I am doubly glad that we had it in the hopper for 2023! We don’t have much further to go so if we tighten our belts we will be mortgage free by the end of the year.

Resolution #2 – pay off the mortgage on the house

We are also aiming to have an ultra frugal year. Generally speaking my budget style is to make categories and just try and spend within the categories. I don’t typically budget down to the cent or make an effort to track every penny. As long as we stay in the green, meet our goals and don’t carry debt, I generally just have an idea of where everything is going.

But as inflation increases and a recession looms as workers are getting laid off, it seemed like a good time to experiment with living off of one salary – my disability income. With Mr. Tucker’s work salary we plan to save it for retirement, use it to pay off the house, save for our road trips next fall and put some away to purchase local food. When the house is paid off, these last two things will then come out of my disability income, freeing up every cent he makes to put towards early retirement.

This is the one goal for 2023 that I am apprehensive about. Since we’ve always had low expenses, a good savings rate and still have been able to do the things we’ve wanted to do, having to check ourselves may be a steep learning curve. Still, 10 years ago we had an incredibly tight budget because I was a SAHM and we had a large child support payment when Mr. Tucker made about half of what he makes today. Of course, prices have gone up and two t(w)eens in the house make everything more expensive. But I am 100% sure that this will be achievable with some work. Much like 10 years ago, I am going to track our spending carefully and look for ways we could be more efficient with our money.

Resolution #3 – Live off of one salary and track all of our spending

If there is one regret I had about 2022 it’s that Mr. Tucker and I didn’t get out for walks as much as we would have liked to. Sure, I spent a ton of time swimming in the pool during the summer months but we always had planned to walk while the kids were in school and with his new job it never seemed to happen.

Worse, we actually purchased some cardio equipment last year on sale and while we started off strong, eventually the machines sat unused as life got busy in the spring between Puerto Rico and school drama.

I have no crazy exercise goals except: move. Any sort of movement is better than no movement so I am just going to try and get outside, get some fresh air and walk/trike. On days where it is too dangerous to go outside due to snow & ice, I can use the equipment. Mr. Tucker and I really need to prioritize any exercise over the nothing we’re doing now. Once we’ve made it a habit again, we can increase and add to our routine. Hopefully by the summer we will have some weight training and flexibility training incorporated into our routine.

Resolution #4 – Move more

A part of these goals is to start living in a way that supports our health and get us used to habits that Mr. Tucker can take with him into early retirement. We need to make space for ourselves over the next year and live our life as less focused around his job as we can. Of course, he still has to work and there will often be challenges to being life-focused vs. work-focused but after a year into his new gig he has a better handle on the job and its expectations.

I think overall 2023 will be characterized as a year where we make conscious decisions and really focus on the life we want to lead. Not just this year but going forward as well. The world is constantly chaotic and these past couple of years have felt so heavy between the pandemic, economic changes and war. Hopefully 2023 will be a little calmer, the kids will continue to thrive, we’ll see our friends and family a lot more than we have these past few years and if all goes well, we’ll meet our goals.

Happy New Year!

*we get extra Aeroplan points for using the card, which makes it also easier to track our spending on alcohol because we tend to always use the card

**Mr. Tucker will need to listen for alerts on his phone due to work but there is no reason it needs to be right beside him

We never got to Jamaica & other updates

We never got to Jamaica & other updates

I realize that I posted a life update on September 21st, 2021 and haven’t followed up since. My goal to be a better blogger has not come to fruition. Besides, all the kids are on tiktok these days and I am going in the opposite direction and staying off of most social media. Here is a synopsis of the past year or so:

We ended up going to Puerto Rico: the direct flight we had booked to Jamaica changed so many times that it ended up becoming an over 24 hour flight with various stops. We discussed it with our friends and made the decision to pull the plug and instead planned a trip to Puerto Rico. Both families have been there before and we found a nice hotel on the southwest coast far from the maddening crowds. Covid made travel an absolute nightmare but we have stories for days and isn’t that what travel is all about?

Mr. Tucker started a new job: he heads up a new team now and with this new job came a small pay raise. So once again we have reversed course and are in super saver mode except the new raise covers our increases in spending money and groceries. That’s good because inflation has made it more expensive anyway.

We are still on track to pay off our mortgage in 2023: this is very exciting because we did manage to make our prepayment this year. It was looking dicey there for awhile because Mr. Tucker needed major dental surgery and…

We put in a walk-in bathtub: it was getting more and more dangerous for me to use a step-over tub and a bath chair so we bit the bullet and had a walk-in installed. It was incredibly expensive but we managed to not go into debt to do it.

We did more weekend roadtrips & didn’t rent a cottage: I have to be honest, I love staying home all summer. We bought a house with a pool for a reason and that reason is that I spend every great summer day swimming. Besides, we got to see a lot of friends for backyard hangouts.

We had a good run camping or renting cottages with friends when our kids were younger, it was more for the kids to run around with their friends than for us to enjoy. Now that they are older, they don’t enjoy it as much themselves. So it made sense to put this particular tradition to rest.

We did manage to get use out of our Canada’s Wonderland passes though! We went May 24 long weekend and Thanksgiving weekend – where we also went to Medieval Times. Is it absolutely cheesy? Yes. Did we all love it? Also, yes. We won’t renew them again as the deal isn’t as good as the pandemic restrictions let up but I am glad we did it. We still do have amazing plans for next year’s roadtrip.

I did rent a cottage in Prince Edward County with my friends from book club and had a wonderful weekend. Instead of booking an expensive wine tour a friend drove us to various wineries and it made for a fun, inexpensive weekend.

We had more local outings during the holidays: we did a lot more holiday-themed local events both last year and this year. During Halloween we went to various local farms to experience their haunted houses and we did a local Haunted Walk with friends as well. For Christmas last year we did a drive-thru light show and saw The Nutcracker. Of course, we kept up with our two traditions: October’s 13 Days of Halloween Movies and 12 Days of Christmas Movies in December. We had planned a small Winter Solstice event but was thwarted by Omicron.

We’re still gardening: we haven’t got better at it though. Still, it’s a fun hobby and I enjoy watching the garden change over the summer.

Health: I had a particularly awful fall in the late spring which took a long time to heal & made me make the decision to not paddle with my dragon boat team this year. I also have not kept up with a regular exercise routine outside of swimming in the summer. This is something I need to refocus on. I lost a lot of confidence with the fall but conversely I have added supplements to my routine that have reduced my spasticity & made my skin issues more manageable.

As 2022 comes to an end Mr. Tucker and I are working on some big goals to tackle in 2023. I feel like this deserves its own post, which I will tackle closer to the end of the month. Until then, we are gearing up to enjoy yet another Christmas season as a family and will hopefully be able to have a small Winter Solstice celebration with friends.

It’s been a hot minute – what I am up to

It’s been a hot minute – what I am up to

WELP. The idea of writing consistently here this year as a New Year’s resolution didn’t happen. Still, I’ve not really spent a lot of time on social media this year and I have definitely kicked my facebook habit (and replaced about 50% of it with an Instagram habit – oops!). Of course, the pandemic is still out there pandemicking but the kids are back in school so that is nice. We had a great summer of outdoor socially distanced hangouts, and now we are settling in to have a lovely autumn full of fun fall activities. But first, maybe a roundup of what has happened in the past 6 months since I last wrote:

Cottaging on Manitoulin island: we have probably shut the door on camping/cottaging with the two other families. Since Sprout was 2, we’ve either Glamped in Quebec parks or we’ve rented cottages. This year we had a lovely week in Dominion Bay where the kids could run around, play games and go for long walks. My friend S did her yearly craft camp for the kids & there was woodburning, leaf painting & other projects completed. I mostly read, and we even headed out to an outdoor farmer’s market (a pandemic first for me!) where I bought cozy wool socks for me, rings made out of antique spoons for the kids, and a pepper grinder from a woodworker for Mr. Tucker.

Unfortunately, during the pandemic there was a run on cottage rentals and even though we tried to book for next year early this summer, there was really nothing to be had that wasn’t $3000 a week – a bit steep. Also, our kids are much older now: Sprout is going to be 12 next year and the oldest kids will be 16 and will probably have jobs. It’s been a good run but it’s time to move on. Not all is lost though! More below!

Gardening: this was our garden’s second year & like the first year we kind of took the “set it and forget it” approach. Still, we got a lot out of it despite the chaos and have learned that we can probably sow an early spring garden, a summer garden & a fall garden. We did end up sowing a fall garden but a little later than I would have liked so who knows what will happen? Despite the cold, the tomatoes are still producing and the basil is going strong. Heck, some of our herbs – like lavender, coriander & dill – have re-seeded and are producing again. Since our goal is to bring those herbs inside for wintering under grow lights, I am happy to see it!

Hopefully we will get some cool weather crops before the snow flies! Then we will pull the dying plants, lay on our home made compost and let the beds winter. Otherwise, we have garlic to plant for next year before the winter sets in.

    Canning, preserving & gleaning: we did most of the things we had done last year that we had enjoyed,

– Horseradish dill pickles
– Tomato sauce
– Spicy dilly beans
– Strawberry and raspberry jam
– Sundried tomatoes

    Some new things,

– Both dill and sweet mustard relish (made when our cucumbers turned yellow)
– Red onion and beetroot chutney
– Marinated eggplant

    Some boozy things,

– We made Nocino from friend’s black walnuts
– We made a bachelor’s jam for Winter Solstice/Yule
– We are now trying our hand at plum wine from our friend’s plums

I am going to do an entire post on all of the things we did & some recipes sometime soon. What’s notable though is what we didn’t do: salsa or tomatillo salsa. We really weren’t going through it as quickly as I thought we would, so we focused on tomato sauce instead.

Money Mondays: this is still going strong! We’ve done sessions on a bunch of things such as the Disability Tax Credit, had a guest speaker to do a presentation on wills, and next week I am doing one on budgets.

Health: the good news is that the ALS clinic told me that I am doing well enough that I only have to come in once every two years! The nurse told me that this was the first time she’s heard the doctor tell someone that so I am pretty proud. Still, I could be doing more work on my health to be quite honest.

– Mr. Tucker and I are taking long walks (I bought a yellow tricycle, which is what I usually take) weekdays. We grab the dogs in the morning, walk Sprout to the end of the street, then we walk the Bean to her bus stop & then we head down to the river for a longer walk (or just through the neighbourhood on busy mornings). It’s been really good for us both to be forced to get up, washed, dressed and out the door. Otherwise we just lounge around the house in our jammies.
– I plan to do #folktober next month to work on my fine motor skills with painting. I bought some nice watercolour paints and I need to encourage myself to use them. Wish me luck!
– I need to clean out my knitting basket to make it more user-friendly. The Sprout reminded me that I said I would teach them to knit and I still haven’t. So again, in the interest of my fine motor neuron skills (and keeping my promise) I should pull that out again.
– My vitamin regimen has made my cycle much better and that in turn has also helped my spasticity.
– I haven’t had alcohol since October 28th, 2020.
– My skin has been just awful so yesterday I was tested for a bunch of things (celiac, thyroid) and my GP is making me appointments with two dermatologists, so we will see how that will play out. I figure this may be an ongoing saga for awhile as appointments are sparse due to the pandemic.

Finances: shockingly, Mr. Tucker has made the decision to work longer in order to put more money into some house-related projects. This means we’ve eased up on our intense budget and instead we are buying more things that bring us joy. For example, we are trying to rehire our old housecleaner again as we’ve decided that our weekends are probably not best spent arguing with the kids over chores. They both know how to clean an entire house so we’ve done our job here. They’ll still have chores, just less of them.

I have also increased our a> grocery budget; and b> our pocket money. We are still saving at an amazing rate but we aren’t as intense as we were for most of this year. We hit our prepayment amount for our mortgage & will contribute to Mr. Tucker’s retirement accounts (but to a lesser degree).

Instead we are also going to…

Travel: both near and far. When we were on Manitoulin Island this summer we made the decision that if cottages were going to be $3000 a week that we would be better off booking a trip down south instead. So that is what we have done. We have tentatively booked a vacation to Jamaica next winter (covid willing!). We booked our flights & house rentals but we did manage to get good cancellation policies so we will see where the world is at come winter.

We also have decided to treat the kids & take them to Canada’s Wonderland for the Halloween Haunt. We ended up buying season passes with another family in the hopes of going back for a couple of days next summer as well.

I would like to also do more things close to home such as heading to various Halloween-themed (outdoor) events in our area. After a year and a half of being stuck at home, I am eager to spread my social wings!

So that is about it for changes around here. Mostly my days are spent reading and parenting & watching shows or playing games as a family. I think we’ve turned a corner on covid – at least in our area of the world – so I hope that stays steady. Overall, life is pretty good.

The Three Year Plan

The Three Year Plan

When I was diagnosed everything became about LIVING FOR THE MOMENT. We wanted to do as much as possible while I was still mobile. Since we had not traveled as much as we would have liked we started there. Two years in a row we took whirlwind trips with the kids making sure they had these memories to fall back on should my decline be rapid. I don’t regret the decisions we made & we had the money to cover it so it was a net positive for our family. Two years later and my mobility has only slightly decreased, we are less panicked, and in the midst of the pandemic the smoke has cleared on a lot of our previous behaviours.

Like a lot of people though, we’ve really been able to reflect on things during the pandemic. If there is one thing we’ve become good at seeing, it’s our own patterns of behaviour. Because things have slowed down so significantly we’ve been able to finally see what needs to be changed. One of the things that has really stood out is our feast-or-famine spending style.

When things are going really well at Mr. Tucker’s work his attitude is, “Jeez, I could work here forever!” We tend to let the good times roll & spend a lot more money on extras. Then when he goes through a particularly difficult time at work we remember that if we saved more, he wouldn’t have to work forever. It’s our pattern and it’s been like that for a long time. This feast-or-famine way of managing money has worked because we never overspend but it still has left us spinning our wheels with long-term goals.

So in November we decided to sit down and plan out what we’d like to do & then we came up with a 3-year plan to achieve our goals. Here is what our list looked like:

– Finally do a will and get our estate affairs in order
– Fully fund the kid’s RESPs (Registered Education Savings Program) & buy back the missing years in order to receive the $1000 grant
– Start & catch up with the RDSP (Registered Disability Savings Plan) so to get the full $1000 grant

…and the biggest one of all:

– Live off of my income for everything and put all of Mr. Tucker’s income into his RRSPs (Registered Retirement Savings Plan)

That really is the biggest goal of them all: living on one salary for everything is a huge undertaking for us. It means we are budgeted really tightly down to the dollar with very little wiggle room. It still covers all of our needs (food, shelter, bills), many of our wants (camps, music lessons, entertainment), and all the other savings I mentioned above (and some I didn’t, such as emergency savings). We will still go to the cottage every year on vacation and still keep our hobbies but we will actually have to stop and think of spending now instead of living on autopilot. Spending in one area means that it will have to come from another place so it forces us to make decisions as to what we really want.

So why would we choose to do this? Because if things go well we can pay off our house & Mr. Tucker can retire from paid work if he wants in 3-3.5 years. That’s huge. It doesn’t mean he will retire from paid work, it just gives him the option.

One of the things about being disabled that is always on the forefront of your mind is what your trajectory will be 1, 3, 5 etc…years from now. I don’t know the future but the reality is that every day I have will probably the best day I ever will have. The other reality is that our parents aren’t getting any younger and will probably need more assistance as the years go on. Sure, we have siblings who can help as well but we really didn’t want Mr. Tucker working a high-stress job with long hours, parenting two teenagers, caring for a disabled wife, AND having to go check in on our elderly parents. We wanted to set ourselves up so that if he had to take a leave of absence, he could without having to worry about our finances.

Of course, we don’t expect that our plan won’t be without its hiccoughs but these hiccoughs will happen whether or not we are saving towards our goal. We also fully suspect that we may need to make changes down the line, which is also fine. We are totally flexible and can review how things are going a few months down the road & adjust where necessary. Still, we are both happy to have sorted a lot of our financial life out and are looking forward to seeing how well we can do on our current plan. I will keep you updated!

Sobriety

Sobriety

It happens as it usually does: a period of time where Mr. Tucker and I find ourselves drinking a lot of alcohol but enjoying it less and less. Our solution to that is usually a month of sobering up followed by some grandiose “falling off the wagon” as a holiday hits, friends come over, or it’s Friday. Rinse, repeat.

The pandemic has brought with it exploding alcohol sales. In the spring drinking just brought me anxiety but once the summer hit I was kicking back poolside, drink in hand. The seasons turned once again and by the fall I couldn’t get any sleep unless I had a drink or two. It wasn’t until October that Mr. Tucker and I realized that we were just drinking because it was habit and that neither of us was enjoying it all that much. So one day I turned to him and said, “Do you think we could quit drinking for an entire year?”

So on November 1st we completely stopped drinking alcohol for one entire year.

As creatures of habit I knew what our patterns were and I wanted to break them. I chose a year because it is probably the longest either of us has gone without a drink since we met (even pregnancy is only 9 months!). We also aren’t used to denying ourselves. Mr. Tucker and I are so incredibly compatible but that’s a bad thing if you are heading in the wrong direction. Also, Mr. Tucker is the worst at being the bad guy. Having a supportive partner is amazing but it also means that he sometimes enables my bad behaviour. For example, we will set a goal and say, try to not spend money because we are saving for something. Mr. Tucker will be great at not spending but as soon as I want to spend he takes it as his cue to go all-in and suddenly we are both spending and no closer to our shared goal.

With alcohol though, we have particular triggers. It’s as if you took the game of LIFE and made it into a drinking game. Rough day at work? DRINK! First day of spring? DRINK! Zoom call with friends? DRINK! But when you don’t have a plan aside from the very vague, “we’re not drinking right now,” cracking open a bottle of wine doesn’t seem like such a bad idea. So we crack open a bottle of wine and then a couple of days later we’re drinking two bottles…We’re stuck inside our old pattern again. So making a concrete goal and determining that we want to make it to a year made sense. It’s not open-ended so it’s harder to give in.

I will admit that quitting alcohol was not the only goal. Alcohol is also ridiculously expensive. In our youth we could drink whatever $5 special landed into our little hands but as you get older your tastes generally swing to more expensive brands. Our go-to wine was a regional wine that was on the low-end at $17 and even drinking one of these a night is a $119 a week. Where we live in Canada, there is no decent-tasting “two buck chuck” so you are looking at $400 a month. $400 that could be better spent somewhere else.

The other thing that really convinced me to give a long period of temperance a go is my health. I have often given up alcohol, done a lot of stretching, exercise & meditation, and made sure I my diet was well constructed. But I’ve never done all three at the same time. So I wanted to see if it would improve my mobility if I combined all of the healthy habits. As much as I never wanted to admit it: alcohol increases my spasticity & makes my balance worse. Not just in the “ha ha I am tipsy and can’t walk a straight line” way but in a way that lasts for days even after I’ve not had a drink for awhile. So that was my primary motivator.

Finally, I just didn’t want the kids seeing us drink everyday. Mr.Tucker and I have a saying and it’s, “we’re not moderation kind of people.” I can’t tell you how many times I have turned down “just one drink” at parties because I am driving. I know myself and I can’t just have one drink. It’s much easier for me to stay sober. So while I don’t want to make it sound like we were hammered every night (we weren’t) we did drink most nights of the week. Now that the kids are entering their tween years it seems even more pressing to model spending our evenings doing other things besides drinking (and spending time online but that’s another post).

So how has it gone? Pretty well, actually. We are two months in and neither of us think about it too much. Christmas was a bit difficult because of old habits but it helped that we weren’t hosting a large dinner this year. Being in a pandemic year helped a bit in that respect. For me the difficulty will lie in when the first really warm day of spring happens and when we open the pool this summer. I also feel like it will be easier by that time as well with 6 months behind us.

It helps that we are doing this for myriad reasons: health, money, parenting and life goals. When you look at the choice objectively it makes a lot of sense for our life to make this one change. I will say though, both Mr. Tucker and I – while constant drinkers – aren’t alcoholics. Obviously I don’t want to suggest that quitting alcohol is in any way easy if you have an addiction. If you do, please seek out professional help instead of trying to quit on your own. I know one person who passed away from complications due to alcohol addiction and it is a real, dangerous way to quit. Call your doctor or check out aa.org for more info.

Daily writing practice

Daily writing practice

This TED series on How to be a Better Human looks good but there is a lot of information in there. I came across it when a friend posted 7 Types of Rest that Every Person Needs which is a good read.

It’s been a helluva week. Like most people I’ve spent a lot of time glued to the news and to my social media timelines wondering what the hell is going to happen. But the days of eyestrain, neck pain, and headaches finally came to a head today and I decided to step back from the rage machine and tackle my Goodreads goal (150 books!) instead. I’ve read 4 books so far.

Today I finished On Writing by Stephen King, which is why you see these words today. Mr. Tucker is also reading it and so our conversations naturally gravitate to interesting parts of the book, or information we find relevant to our own lives. Last night I turned to him and lamented that I used to write every day back when livejournal was huge and since I joined facebook in 2007 I don’t write with any length anymore.

To be fair, I gave birth to the Bean in early 2008 and writing was not as a high priority. Facebook had also started to take off and it had a more open and succinct style of communication that fit into my knew lifestyle as a stay-at-home-mom of a newborn. Of course, the snappy style of facebook led to its widespread adoption pretty quickly. I also became so adept at it that I made a career out of it – a successful one, in fact. So while it’s easy to blame social media for my lack of writing the reality is that it is a culmination of factors: mom of two kids, working (in communications a lot of the time. Nothing kills your own writing like writing all day on someone else’s agenda), and the ease in which social made keeping in touch with multiple people much easier.

I’ve also always kept a journal. For the majority of my job contracts through 2012-2015 I woke up early to be at work early so I could be home to take the kids to the park by 4pm. So 6am saw me belting out a couple of pages of notes on my life. I didn’t journal from 2016-2018 during my series of operations and the tests that led to my final diagnosis but at the time I was barely living at all. My diagnosis forced me to pick up the pen again to try and make sense of everything that had happened.

I did manage to keep a blog for awhile that I had started when I had gone back to work after being home with the kids for four years. I wrote during my lunch hours and on the weekends, mostly. At that point my goal was debt repayment and early retirement. So I wrote about the things that I found interesting from that perspective. The universe is a cosmic joker though, and when I found myself in January 2018 with a PLS diagnosis & my neurologist recommending I go off work, I found it deeply ironic. All those years spent worrying about early retirement goals only to get streamrolled by forced retirement. Like a petulant child I screamed in my head, “WHAT? BUT MAYBE I DON’T WANT TO BE RETIRED?!” I had been given what I had wanted but not in the way that I wanted it.

So I started this blog…and did nothing with it. I think I have been reluctant to write here because it feels like I should have a theme and stick to it. Put this blog into a little box labeled DISABILITY BLOG and only discuss topics relating to my disability. But when it comes down to it I just want to write about my life and how I am living it. Yes, Post Morbus means after diagnosis and this is my life after diagnosis but my diagnosis isn’t my life. Sure, it has an effect of every facet of my life but it’s larger than that.

So instead of getting caught up in the minutiae where I feel like I need to write some well-researched, perfectly written tome of helpful information I am just going to write. I am going to write something every day (or almost, everyone has bad days) and get back into the habit. Maybe it will just be a recipe. Maybe it will be about some silly thing I saw online. I can’t say. But the goal is to write something every day & to just get back into the habit of writing.

So here goes it: January 10, 2021 is day 1. Let’s see if I can do a year?